Ron drops into a chair, drained. "I HATE that guy," he avers wearily. Steven knows. His loins burn with that hatred. But they also exude mercy -- they are compassionate loins -- so he lies, "Whatever, [Eric] is a nice guy." Ron decides, though, that he's so displeased with Eric, he wants to intervene and help Steven win Lizzie back. His friend's great heartache wasn't enough to motivate him; no, it took a tongue-thrashing from a crazed Kopy Town manager. Ron has vengeance in his heart, and this time, it's personal. "I'm gonna get that done for you," he promises. "I'm going to put this together." Steven begs him not to intervene, but Ron's on a mission to bring Steven joy. "Go wash your boxers and whatever they hold, 'cause when I'm done working Lizzie, you're going to need those bad boys clean!" Ron announces. His stirring battle cry still hanging in the air, Ron trots away while Steven just wonders how he gets himself into these fixes every week, and when the weekly madness will end. Unfortunately for us, it's over already.
A clean-cut young man in a white oxford shirt, brown pants, and a brown vest strolls down the quad. We've seen him before. He was Badonk-a-donk, who conducted a highly scientific poll of Larice's throat and learned that two out of two tonsils prefer being lightly suckled. But today, he's somebody more...chaste. This episode was filmed first, so he's actually not yet the Badonk-a-donk we've come to love. He's Badonk -- not yet fully matured, not yet worthy of the "donk" or that precious "a" that makes the whole thing work. Badonk spies Steven eating alone and looking glum, and approaches him with a beaming smile. "You okay?" he asks. Steven sadly nods that he'll survive, but he doesn't look overly certain that he won't take a failed suicide leap off the washing machine. Badonk invites himself to sit with Steven and leans forward eagerly. "It's a woman, isn't it?" he coos. Steven purses his lips and reluctantly admits that, yes, he's got an ache even Tums with Calcium won't cure. "Ain't it always," sighs Badonk sympathetically. "She look good? I bet she looks good." Steven isn't particularly consoled by this, but does dub Lizzie "beautiful," which is nice of him. Badonk offers to set Steven up with somebody, and Steven is as polite as he can be considering that some stranger in a sweater vest is offering to pimp him out. "I'm telling you, he'll fulfill your every need," Badonk grins angelically. Steven snaps to attention, the mere hint of sausage awakening his inner vegetarian. Uncomfortably, he tells Badonk that he doesn't like to ride the groin bronco. He isn't gay. "That's okay, man, neither is He," Badonk explains. "See, His name is Jesus." His smile takes on ear-to-ear proportions, while mounting skepticism flashes in Steven's eyes. "Christ," Steven sighs, staring off in the other direction. "Yeah, see? You know his name!" giggles Badonk. "Say it again, wear it out!" Steven tries gamely to drop through the ground, but fails.