Hal And Hillary

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | Grade It Now!
Hal And Hillary

Ron exits the elevator, carrying a brown leather briefcase, which is a nice touch for a business major like himself. I hope Seth Rogen was carrying some other scripts in it, because I'd hate to lose him if this show gets cancelled. As he passes Lucien's ajar door, he hears giggling and peers inside. Hillary and Hal are smooching and flirting. "Oh, my ass," Ron chokes delightedly, sprinting off down the hall. He bursts into his room, asking for Steven. Heath grunts and points across the hall. But by then, Lizzie and Steven have opened the door and emerged. "Come with me! It's horrible! Hurry!" shouts Ron.

Cut to everyone hovered outside Lucien's door, staring at the action inside. Lucien, apparently, didn't stick around to make sure no one defiled his room/office. Or his Hillary. "Daddy?" Steven whimpers. Lizzie covers his mouth and pushes him down the hall, while Heath, Ron, and Larice keep watching with a mixture of disgust and interest.

Everyone confers in the Frosh Pit. Lizzie explains that her psych professor would call this typical behavior for a divorced man. "You call ruining your son's life 'typical behavior'?" Steven whines. Lizzie figures he should give Hal space, because Steven certainly wouldn't appreciate it if Hal showed up and said, "You can't date Lizzie." Steven stares morosely at the table. "I know, you're right. It just…ew! It sucks," he shudders. Ron, from the cheap seats in the corner, agrees, then brightens and asks if anyone wants to go see if Hal's "riding the pony." He makes hoof-clomping noises with his mouth. Heath cracks up, but Steven looks ill.

Rachel and Shaggy wander down the sidewalk. She's gazing up at him very flirtatiously indeed, and it's immediately clear why -- he's carrying her backpack. She thanks him, her voice dripping with honey. "No problem," Shaggy insists fervently. "I have two shoulders -- one for me, and one for you." He bumps her teasingly. As Rachel reclaims her bag, Shaggy desperately tries to prolong the moment by inviting her to the student union to play some games. Rachel declines, claiming she has to go get a new student ID with her hair looking good. And she's so shallow that I actually believe her. But her hair? Looks stupid. This is one of the episodes shot after the lengthy hiatus, and so her locks are a paler shade of blonde. Feh. I'm so over her. Shaggy lamely calls after her that maybe he'll stop by her room later. Rachel just waves. Shaggy rubs his chin and gets off all-fours, human once more.

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