Somehow, Lucien wiggles past the machine and into the hall. "What the hell are you freshman idiots doing?" he screams. Steven defensively says that it shouldn't matter, because he's already been kicked out. Lizzie and Heath agree to leave the dorm, too, all in the name of freedom and truth and beauty and wet soapy floors. Heath makes a nasty and inappropriate remark about how he'll leave if Lucien is done watching him. That's kind of a dumb thing to say. "You are a dead man, Karp," Lucien seethes. "You want to take this outside? Because I'll take it outside!" Steven figures this is too lame to take outside, so of course that bolsters Lucien's courage. Heath offers to take Lucien outside. "I'm not asking you to take it outside," Lucien stammers. Heath suggests that they all go outside. "Okay, fine, let's take it outside!" yells Steven. "I don't want to," shrinks Lucien. Steven shouts at him for kicking him out of the dorm, and Lucien defensively squeals that he doesn't even have that kind of authority. Ha.
Hillary charges downstairs and rails at Lucien for losing control of the floor. She snaps her gaze over to Heath and with barely a breath she says, all sultry, "Heyyy, [Heath]." Lucien tattles on Steven. "Were you 'slipping' and 'sliding'?" Hillary fumes. "If you do that one more time, I swear to God…" So naturally, Steven turns and takes a running jump onto the skip-'n'-slide area. Hillary, enraged, runs after him and flops atop him, kicking and yelling. Steven screams, "You're not my stepmother!" while Hillary yells, "Look what you've done to my dorm!"
They skid to a halt, and Lucien demands that they stop the madness. "Everybody knows you're giving it to Steven's dad!" moans Lucien. "Look at this, this is because of you! So blind, so blind, my sweet Hillary!" Lucien starts rubbing his nipples. "You don't see the beauty in front of you," he beseeches. Um, I am certain there is no beauty in Lucien's nipples. He wails about Hillary not taking a chance on him, and flees weeping to his room/office/mental ward. Everyone stares after him, then stares at Hillary, then stares at each other, not sure where to look or why this episode has suddenly ground to a halt.
Hillary stands and apologizes to everyone. "He's right, I think things have gotten a little out of control," she trembles. "But we're going to have a good time tonight. I want to let everyone know that the Muslim Awareness Pizza Party changed from 5 PM to 6 PM." Slowly, Hillary loses her battle against tears and just starts shrilly crying. "We have pizza there," she sobs pathetically. "We don't have any judgment, we just have pizza there. We just…have…pizza." I stand corrected -- that is the best line of the show. Amy Poehler makes this simultaneously hilarious and kind of sad, in a good way. I feel sorry for crazy Hillary the Slut Whore. She blathers that she's okay, then starts to leave, but stops when she reaches Hal. She stares up at him, then sighs and punches his chest lightly and affectionately. Hal doesn't watch her leave, but mournfully touches the spot Hillary touched. Man, suddenly this show is depressing me. And I really didn't need the help.