Big, big, speech-defying thanks to M. Darcy for coming through with a tape of this episode, to Grinaldi for being my wing man, and to everyone else who was willing to help me persevere in the face of a disobedient VCR.
Rachel and Lizzie stroll the quad, the former complaining about being single and not having any good eye candy. "What about [Heath]?" Lizzie teases, as if he has a history with Rachel that we're missing. Rachel's mouth curls in distaste. "I don't like guys like that," she shrugs. "Super-hot English guys?" Lizzie asks, astounded. No -- male sluts. Rachel ascribes her dislike to the fact that, traditionally, pretty boys tend to be boring. Wait, so she likes quirky guys? Then why not Shaggy or Ron, or did someone put their livers through a Cuisinart? Rachel, the girl with the baby-tee that says "Rock" in glitter over a shiny star symbol, has decided she wants a man with depth. Uh huh. "Oh, you mean like an ugly guy?" Lizzie perks up, warmed by the light of comprehension. "Shut up, you're so shallow," Rachel giggles. To disprove her, Lizzie points to her most selfless act of hormone-induced blindness: the night she nailed Steven. "Oh, true," Rachel allows.
Steven strolls into Chemistry class, peppy and extremely skinny, as usual. The teacher calls him over and unsympathetically tells him to report to the Bursar's office because of a tuition-related issue. Steven grins and promises to head over there right after class. The teacher shakes his head. "Mr. Karp, you have to have a ticket for this show," he sasses. As Steven collects his things, the teacher hops into the Wacky Fun boat and paddles toward hilarity. "I have something phenomenal for you to observe today," he glows, gesturing to two bottles of highly combustible fluid. Steven flounces out and pouts his way down the hall until an impressive explosion -- complete with the sound of actual fireworks -- rocks his old Chem classroom. Appreciative applause ensues. Clenching his teeth and fists, Steven growls and convulses.
In the dorm, Heath and a fellow actor rehearse some Shakespeare. This episode predates Larice, it seems, or else she'd be hanging around lapping up every drop of saliva that doth fly from Heath's frantically acting mouth. "And...scene," Jimmy says when they're done. They slap hands and congratulate each other on a dialogue well executed. Rachel appears with Lizzie and openly checks out Heath's acting partner, who excuses himself to attend his Feminine Studies class. That's the kind of class guys either take because they hope it includes a generous helping of vaginal analysis, or so they can meet chicks at bars and say, "Oh, I'm majoring in Feminine Studies to better understand the beautiful Earthly gift that is Woman," or some other sensitive bullshit/panty remover. Rachel looks him over and giggles a greeting. He exits with a Jimmy Stewart impersonation.