Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

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Heathen: B | Grade It Now!
Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

"Who's that guy?" Rachel asks coyly, sidling up to Heath. He laughs. "You and Jimmy?" Heath snorts. "That's not gonna work." Rachel defensively -- and a tad flirtatiously -- wonders why: "Because he's not some blond British guy?" Heath feigns offense and then cheerfully promises to arrange a rendezvous for Rachel and Jimmy. She's delighted, and he just shakes his head and snickers.

Steven goes to his father's place and rails against Hal for failing to pay the tuition. Hal hedges that he'd been trying to hash out a payment plan with the school, but got embroiled in a complicated game of phone tag. Steven is floored to hear that his parents didn't lay a nest egg to ensure he'd get an education. Guiltily, Hal admits he cracked it after becoming unemployed, and never quite got around to popping out a replacement. Not even a decoy egg. Nothing. "I never would've lost my job if not for the stress from the divorce lawyers," Hal complains. Steven sputters that he can't believe Hal has a TiVo to feed his TV addiction, yet he can't pay for his son's education. "One year of TiVo covers about two days of tuition," Hal points out. Steven, unsure what else to do, rubs his head. Hal bitches that Steven's mother is the one gallivanting around Prague "squandering the family rubles." Poor Steven. Hal can't quite let go of the bitterness. Hal swears he's jobhunting, but not for any old gig -- the rightone. In the meantime, he expects a resentful Steven to get a job and work to help pay some of the bills. "Welcome to the real world," he trites to his irritated son.

Jimmy lends Heath a video cassette and whips out his Marlon Brando imitation. Heath smiles politely and then explains that Rachel thinks he's "proper tidy." Jimmy brightens. "Hoo-ah!" he Pacinos, delighted. Then he switches personas. "Please, would you hook me up so Mini-Me and I can go on a date?" Jimmy mimics. His Dr. Evil is pretty good -- they're all good, except perhaps for the Al Pacino imitation. Heath is clearly put off as he watches Jimmy qua Dr. Evil tell his Mini-Me to stand at attention. "Rachel's gonna love you," he says sarcastically, rolling his eyes but clearly amused to see how this turns out.

Frosh Pit. Shaggy brandishes a pan of rice pudding and tries to tempt Ron with it. "Try me, I'm delicious!" he says. "Rice pudding?" Ron gapes, disgusted. "That's pudding with rice in it?" Shaggy implores him to try it, balances a chunk of pudding on a spatula, and airplanes it toward Ron's mouth. Ron reluctantly gnaws on it and is impressed with how tasty it is, except there's no WAY it's any good, but whatever. It's free food, which for most guys means it's succulent food. Shaggy crows that they're the kings of free nosh because he works in the cafeteria and can pinch whatever he likes. Ron guards the rice pudding. "It's mine," he says flatly. "It's mine now." This kicks off a montage of him scarfing the cake-like pudding; we end up with an empty tray of it on the common-room table while Ron and Shaggy go to town on a pan of Imitation Red No. 35 Generic Brand Gelatin Dessert. "This is the life," Shaggy moans in ecstasy. Ron stares down a spoonful of the anonymous substance. "MMMM," Shaggy climaxes. "This is the LIFE!" Ron slurps up one last spoonful and declares himself unable to eat one more bite. He looks slightly ill.

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