Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | Grade It Now!
Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

Steven, Heath, Shaggy, Ron, and Lizzie -- each as dolled up as their respective wardrobes allow -- file into a fancy restaurant and sit happily at a round table. "Swanky place!" the gang praises. "Looks like my dad's rolling again," Steven says proudly. "I bet they have crushed ice in the urinals," Shaggy muses dreamily. "Doesn't get any fancier than that." Ron wonders if it's there so people can make urine sno-cones. Nah, that's why the Midwest has winter. Lizzie is disgusted. Steven leans eagerly toward his crush. "What do you think, Lizzie?" he asks, desperate to impress. She smiles and lauds their surroundings. Just then, Hal approaches and introduces himself. "I'll be your server tonight!" he beams with obvious glee. Steven's face falls, and the gang quietly accepts menus from Hal.

Someone knocks on Jimmy's door. He opens it to reveal Rachel's belly, which wants to have a talk with him. Her breasts, which are pushed up so far they plug her nostrils, would also like to chat. Jimmy shushes her because the Mike Myers Biography is on. "Have you seen So I Married an Axe Murderer?" he asks, almost manic. "One of my favorite movies. So underrated." He imitates the Scottish dad, then shushes an increasingly irritated Rachel with the Austin Powers "zip it" routine. After going on for far too long with it, Jimmy shuts his lunatic trap, pecks her pompously on the cheek, and settles in on the bed to worship the heritage of his favorite actor. Rachel pales.

Hal jovially offers the guys cocktails. "I'll have a Jack Daniels," smiles Heath, turning on the charm. "IDs please!" Hal chirps with a belly laugh. "You guys are having chocolate milk! Shirley Temples all around!" Steven is crabby and flustered. "He's usually in sales, my dad," he whispers to the group. "The last job he had, he was the #1 guy for five months in a row. Pretty cool. Very powerful." Everyone looks vaguely embarrassed, mostly because Steven is so poorly masking his humiliation. "Your dad's sweet," Lizzie offers sincerely. Steven blinks, and then hurriedly excuses himself from the table. Lizzie watches him go, fretting.

Jimmy mouths the words to Biography. "I guess you've seen this before," Rachel gulps, mortified on his behalf. "Yeah," he breathes. "It's inspiring." Aghast, Rachel is rendered speechless.

Steven stands near the bathrooms and watches Hal work his waiter magic. "Can we have some bread, please?" one patron asks. "Guess you folks aren't on The Zone Diet," Hal chortles. "Just kidding!" Steven stuffs his hands in his pockets and mopes. Lizzie approaches to check on him, and they watch Hal check on one table's soup. "You didn't find a glass eye in there, did you?" Hal asks casually. Steven shakes his head. "I feel like the divorce ruined everything," he complains. He sees his Dad as a ridiculous shell of his former self, a guy who would once yell at waiters and send back food. "Things change," Lizzie says sagely. "Everybody doesn't always get the job that they want." Wow, she's a real student of life, isn't she? So clever, and deep as a teaspoon. But she does notice that Hal appears to be enjoying himself immensely. "What do you recommend?" a diner asks Hal. "Tech stocks, mutual funds...stay away from that dot-com stuff!" he jokes. The people laugh, and Steven nods grudgingly. Lizzie points out that Hal's trying his hardest to take care of things, and loops her arm affectionately around Steven's shoulders. "Wanna go eat?" she grins. He smiles. It's a really sweet moment, and it's great seeing her take care of him rather than treat him like a loyal puppy. Carla Gallo conveys genuine affection for Steven here.

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