Rush And Pledge (1)

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | Grade It Now!
Rush And Pledge (1)

Hal Karp's bachelor pad is in a bland apartment complex painted boring beige with a tinge of this show's favorite condiment: mustard. It's got an illegible one-word name, too, scrawled on the front façade in metal cursive. For our purposes, it should be something like "Midlife Villas," or "Celibacy Row." Inside, Hal's doing what every self-respecting divorcee should do -- standing on his head, trying to chug a beer, and keeping company with a portly bald man who's so hammered that he's close to mistaking Hal's hush puppies for a warm bosom. They're cackling hysterically. "You've still got it, Hal baby!" chortles the man.

Steven rounds a corner and spies his dad's antics, stopping dead in his tracks and recoiling a bit. Hal successfully drains his plastic cup and leaps to his feet, cheering. This feels like something Ron and Shaggy would do, except they'd make Steven hold the puke bucket. Hal's shirt rides up, revealing an as-yet undiscovered, plentiful other other white meat. "Dad, what the hell...?" Steven sputters. Hal greets his son cheerfully, throws on his glasses, zeroes in on Steven and leaves his boozing buddy to stare vacantly out the window, which he does with admirable dedication. "Come here, I want you to meet Dingleberry," Hal booms, looping an arm around each of their necks. The probably aptly named Dingleberry is an old frat buddy, and is also recently divorced. "Women cone and go, but brotherhood...brotherhood is forever, man," Dingleberry slurs. Dingleberry has a soul patch. And, as it turns out, Dingleberry's son is the sage of Theta Delta Zeta's UNEC chapter. Hal and Dingleberry encourage Steven to rush TDZ. "I've already kinda got my group of friends," Steven says, although they don't seem to party together much, so maybe a fresh social scene is in order. Dingleberry insists that he can bring his friends along, "unless they've got something against free beer and chicks." Heath has something against both of those -- his mouth. Steven nods and tries to be polite, although he's probably attracted to the idea already. "Steve, this is a good thing," Hal decides. "You and I are already father and son, but now, we can be brothers!" Only in certain states, Hal. Steven tries to smile, but looks slightly sickened by the fact that he caught his dad acting a whole lot like a Matthew Lillard character. Dingleberry has swung over to the video library, and shouts, "Hey Hal, got any dirty ones?" Hal duhs, "Oh, yeah, I've got a lot in there." Steven dies a little inside.

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