Rush And Pledge (1)

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | Grade It Now!
Rush And Pledge (1)

The gang pretends to leave, then scampers over to the window and peers inside. Samm pins Steven and tells him to wear the pin at all times as a symbol of his loyalty and their deep and abiding love. "Steve, don't do the fraternity!" Shaggy screams through the window. Because I'm infantile, I laughed my ass off transcribing that line. They all yell his name over and over, but Steven is too busy reveling in the warm glow of brotherhood to hear them. Suddenly, a bunch of TDZ brothers dump buckets of milk -- God, I hope that's milk -- on their heads and cackle uproariously. Perry uses his time wisely, opting to floor the gas pedal and strand them. "I hate my life," Ron says. Shaggy seconds that emotion. Heath fumes silently.

Lizzie bounces over to Steven and hugs him. "I'll be Aphrodite, and you can be my Zeus," she giggles happily. Steven shares that he's totally delighted with himself and his fraternity. Samm approaches and orders Steven to fetch him a drink. "What's the magic word?" Steven asks, grinning and punching Samm lightly on the shoulder. "No dice," Samm says sternly. Lizzie stops laughing. "The magic word is 'Yes, sir.' You're a pledge now. I own your ass, Steve-o." Flustered and very unsettled, Steven chokes out a "yes, sir," and leaves. Samm turns to Lizzie. "So, 'Lizzie.' Is that short for something?" Samm asks Lizzie's shoulder. She wants to go find Steven. "You know what? You don't have to worry about him," Samm says into her navel. "He's my bitch now." And we are out on Lizzie's concerned face, sad to be losing a bitch and gaining a gnome.

During the credits, we get outtakes from Samm's speech to the pledges before the ceremony. He says that frat brothers are the guys you go mountain-climbing with, and the guys you fall off the mountain with, and the guys you use prepositions to end sentences with. "Ever need a piggyback, Steven?" he asks. "These are the guys who won't laugh at you when you ask. It's true." He talks about sharing an oxygen mask while scuba diving, and says it's happened to him. It's funny, but not as funny as what they ended up using. In the last clip, he has to stop talking because he's got the giggles. The crew laughs.

To be continued...

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