Rush And Pledge (1)

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | Grade It Now!
Rush And Pledge (1)

OMC's "How Bizarre" infects the background. Lizzie bounces around to help distract us. She's pumped; she's never been to a frat house, so she's wearing her very best khakis and scrubs them with a lint-removing roller to achieve optimum gleam. Rachel, brushing her hair enough to make the Pantene folks drool, whips her head around and notes that she's only going so she can escape Larice and her endless loop of the aptly named "How Bizarre." Now that Larice is a suitemate of theirs, I should probably use her character's real name, which is Tina. But I am having problems parting with my choice, in part because I just mentally anagrammed it, and it spells "éclair." So I think I'm sticking with "Larice" for now, after I get back from the pastry section of my local Ralph's. Back to the scene: Lizzie cheerfully admits she thinks "How Bizarre" is catchy, but Rachel claims she hated it two years ago, which as the forum regulars pointed out, is two years after the song was actually released in 1997. But I'm sure everyone still hated it in 1999. Lizzie changes the subject and enthuses that there might be sorority girls at the party, which means that could someday be sisters, which thrills her to her warm, syrupy core. "Sorority girls?" Rachel groans. She mimics them pretty hilariously, ending with, "I love your hair, and I love you, and I'm not just saying that because I'm so wasted." Ha. Lizzie says she likes organizations, bragging that she was in the Brownies and earned all the badges. She'd make a great cult member.

Lizzie and Rachel stroll into the common area. "Oh my gosh, brownies!" Lizzie giggles. "What a coincidence! Those smell so good!" She acts so vapidly excited by this, as though life's little idiosyncrasies constantly pitch her into dizzy delight. Larice, holding a freshly baked pan of brownies, smiles and proffers them. Lizzie declines; she just flossed. Rachel grabs one happily. They invite Larice to join them at the party, but she'd rather do homework and listen to "How Bizarre." Rachel shoots her a look that says, "That song is perfect for you," and bolts.

The gang approaches the frat house, Steven leading the way. He whispers for them to stick close to him because he has an in at the party; he then approaches a bouncer-type whose name tag reads "Beast-Whore," and introduces himself as alumnus Hal Karp's son Steven. "Good for you, but it's an open party," Beast-Whore says. The laughter isn't loud, but it's there, mocking the failure of Steve's supposed connection. Poor Steve. He's too hapless. "Thanks for the hookup, bro," Shaggy grins. The gang files inside. Beast-Whore ogles Rachel's ass and hisses, "Oh, YEAH!" Beast-Whore should join the forums. He'd be at home there.

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