A skinny blond dork regales Rachel and Heath with pro-frat stats. He claims that their chance of graduating increases by 70% if they're in a fraternity. "Is that true?" drawls American Heath. Man, if Steve Sanders graduated from college, that's got to be true. Skinny adds that 85% of Fortune 500 executives are frat men. American Heath keeps on drawling. Skinny has a friend whose name tag, I believe, reads Clucky. He just smiles and nods.
Lizzie has gravitated toward the party's intelligence vacuum. She's gabbing with two Little Sisters, one of whom is played by F&G's Natasha Melnick (Cindy). The girls brightly explain that the Little Sisters are like a sorority within a fraternity, and they have first dibs on Theta Delta Zeta's cute guys. In essence, they're a private brothel, except they lack a hooker's business savvy. The Little Sisters also get to design the homecoming floats! Could you die? "It's gonna be a pirate ship!" says the blonde, Jana. "Shush!" Cindy squeals. Then she turns to Lizzie. "And we're almost like best friends," she purrs, so chemically sweet she could rot meat. Lizzie promises not to tell anyone, and begs to be included. They consent. "Yay!" Lizzie chirps.
SammCam. Our Minister of Minute Machismo preaches the frat gospel at a camera that looks intent on traversing the Nasal Canal. "We're the hottest frat on campus. This is the best decision you'll ever make. There's always something to do, and someone to do," he informs us, and probably Steven, too. He calls it a thirty-brother family with parents that are always out of town, and ten sisters with whom "incest is best." One girl for every three guys. And he thinks Steven will like those odds? Although we've established he's not the thickest condom in the pack, so maybe he won't be able to compute them. "College is a theme park, this is a twister, so strap in and don't be afraid to puke," Samm says. "This is the Playboy Mansion and we're all Hugh Hefner." It's a cleverly written speech. Steven is excited. A tall, willowy brunette appears -- she's Brandi, the head of the Little Sisters. She identifies Steve by name, and the younger, hairier Erik Palladino clone next to him looks very impressed by Steve's suavitude. "So are you going to join?" Brandi coos. "We could always use more cute guys." Steven figures he'll do anything for the cause. The guys in the background chant, "TDZ! TDZ!" Erik and Steve look pumped, and we fade to commercial as Steven lets the music of male bonding energize his soul.