Rush And Pledge (1)

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Heathen: B | Grade It Now!
Rush And Pledge (1)

Shaggy, Heath, and Ron hang out in the Frosh Pit, engaged in their usual frenzy of trying to do as little as possible. Even conversation is too much. Steven arrives. "Hey, Freddy Fraternity," Ron says snidely. Heath pulls the trigger on another Yankee-style monologue of mockery. "For the low, low price of $500 a semester, not only will I be your best friend, but I'll get you a job in a Fortune 500 company," he minces. "If you sign up now, we'll include a free smoothie with ginseng." Steven groans, and tries to retreat into his room. Heath complains that Steven can't take a good razzing, although he's been taking them pretty admirably up to this point. Steve complains that he's their only target, and that it gets old. And it does. I, for one, wonder why the hell he bothers, except that I know how hard it is to free yourself from assholes once you're among them. Shaggy pipes up that he heard fraternities make the pledges tie bricks to their dicks and then heave the bricks out the window. I think that's just homeopathic penis-enlargement.

Samm arrives and interrupts the teasing. He's got Brandi in tow, which seems to impress Ron slightly. Samm invites Steven for paintball. They're carrying guns, so I assume they're not secretly referring to a twisted hazing ritual. "You can be on my team," Brandi says sweetly. Steven would love to heave balls at Brandi, so he accepts gratefully. "I would love to get outta here," he says pointedly. Samm smiles and waves at the other three guys. "Ladies," he says, by way of farewell. Shaggy can't believe they just got blown off. Heath looks incredibly grim.

In the hall, Samm soothingly says, "Lemme guess -- you guys were assigned to live together." Well, of course they were. They're freshmen. That's how it works. Guess the extra "m" isn't for "mental acuity" here. Samm whips out a wallet photo for just this occasion -- it's a Sears Photo Studio snap of the head of the housing department. She is very square. She might be Hal's type, though. Samm instructs Steven to consider That Face, and whether he wants That Face to be the person picking who his friends are. "I think it's time you picked your friends for yourself," Samm says with a knowing nod.

The elevator slides open to reveal Rachel and Lizzie, the latter of whom looks really pretty with her hair pulled back. Lizzie brightens when she spots Brandi. "Oh my gosh, I had so much fun at your party!" she gushes. "Oh my gosh, me too!" Brandi bubbles. Rachel looks tempted to start running with scissors. Brandi compliments Lizzie on her plain white tank top, and Lizzie compliments Brandi on her plain white tank top. It's very funny. Rachel stink-eyes both of them. They're invited to the paintballing party, but Rachel coolly says, "I don't paintball," and huffs past them toward her room. Lizzie, crestfallen -- but only because she's worried that Rachel's behavior reflects on her -- enthusiastically accepts the invitation and excuses Rachel by saying, "Uh, she's allergic to paint." The group pairs off in the elevator, with Steven and Brandi standing at about the same height and Samm flirting up at Lizzie. "That is a really nice top," he says. "I've got it in blue." Oh! The spare "m" is for "mirth."

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