The Perfect Date

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B+ | Grade It Now!
The Perfect Date

Lizzie is embroiled in yet another exercise in futility: attempting sensible conversation with Eric. He's claiming that when he dated her, he cut himself off from some really good people. "A lot of real, solid, good folks want to hang out with me these days," Eric brags. "You know what the best thing about them is? They don't have sex with me and have sex with somebody else at the same time!" And then, the best line ever: "Greg would never do that to me!" I paused the tape here to revel in Lizzie's expression -- she's annoyed, but she's also not surprised. It's like she's been through it a thousand times and wants to rip out her hair and choke off his tongue with it. Lizzie can't get a word in. Rachel and Larice are in the sitting room trying not to listen. They can't help it, though, because Lizzie is shouting. Steven strolls in, his smile darkening when he hears the raised voices. "Who's she talking to?" he asks. "Uh, I think her dad," Rachel lies badly. "You're the one who broke up with me," screams Lizzie. "I said, 'I think we need to break up,'" argues Eric. Lizzie isn't sure what he's implying, but she's pretty sure he's claiming they never broke up. She's impatient with this. Steven is aghast, and demands an explanation for why Lizzie and Eric are still chatting and bickering like an old couple. "They're just like Whitney and Bobby Brown," sighs Larice. "So much passion, yet so much pain." Have I mentioned that I love Larice? Because I do. Lizzie yells something at Eric and hangs up, then emerges innocently. Steven bobs his head the way he always does when he's trying to pretend everything's fine. Lizzie's all, I was just combing my hair. Steven's all, So your hair is an argumentative asshole?

Shaggy rips down a flyer for an seventh-floor Around The World party that lies, "Must be 21." Right. Twenty-one inches tall, maybe. They're pumped that it's time for the year's best party, and Heath's trouser radar beeps that there's a hot girl up there he's dying to probe. He calls her "the angel." Ron grins widely. "I'm still looking awesome, right? I'm going to be the belle of this ball, baby!" Except there's a huge brown stain on his gray t-shirt, so he's only looking excellent by a toddler's standards. He and Heath suddenly squint at Shaggy's face and realize he's wearing makeup on Vesuvius. "Rachel gave me cover-up for my pimple, and I put a little under my eyes," Shaggy says serenely. "I thought you looked less tired," Ron compliments him. "Thank you," Shaggy replies calmly, smiling angelically. Aw.

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