Undeclared
The Perfect Date

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Heathen: B+ | Grade It Now!
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The Perfect Date

That gooey love song "The Look of Love" plays as Lizzie and Steven get mushy during diner. He's chatty, she's interested, they eat. Whee! Bliss.

Theo, meanwhile, is chugging beer in Israel, hoisted and rotated by a bunch of guys in yarmulkes. And Ron. I feel like there are people who would pay a lot on eBay to make that dream date a reality.

Cut back to Lizzie, who swaps goofy grins with her boyfriend. Steven is the picture of erudite conversation. Of course, for all we know, he's saying, "And that's why my socks smell like Cheese Nips."

The gang enters Jamaica, greeted by a thick hash haze that engulfs them. Shaggy and Vesuvius don the appropriate cap and dreds and spin around, laughing and partying. Poor Shaggy. He doesn't know that, pretty soon, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are going to try jumping into his face.

Lizzie slurps a noodle...and then eats her pasta. She and Steven clink glasses full of red wine.

Over in Canada, a bunch of guys dressed as hockey players cheer on Theo and Ron, who are having a hockey brawl of some kind. While Steve and Lizzie dance, and he dips her, the boozehounds of Britain spin Theo around and around and scream into his ear. Theo is visibly hammered and nauseous. He's wearing a crown that resembles a life-size version of one of those classy air fresheners. As someone pointed out, the only floaters between rooms appear to be our lovable motley crew. Everyone else is dressed according to the room's nationality. Anyway, Shaggy screams, "You're not drinking beer!" into Theo's ear. Then, later, Shaggy screams, "You're drinking beer!" Theo looks like he's going to vomit himself into oblivion. Woo! You're in college now, boy!

Theo barrels up to Ron and Shaggy, bumping them intentionally but probably unable to have prevented it anyway. "Zit Man, how's it going?" he slurs. "Your zit has its own zip code. Zit code." Shaggy hates that people won't leave Vesuvius to brew its toxic lava in peace. He and Ron explain that this isn't the right time. "No, not the time to hang out with a guy with a big zit on his face, and an ugly guy who thinks he's really good-looking," chortles Theo. Ron's disappointed that he's lost the hotness. Shaggy, though, has an epiphany. He, joined by Ron once he gets the gist the scheme, convinces Theo that Angel is hot for him and isn't interested in Heath. Ron even pretends to remember that Angel "loves Freddy's Got Fingers." Theo is thrilled, and staggers off to penetrate the Angel's halo. "See you later, zit," he mutters.

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Undeclared

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