Undeclared
The Perfect Date

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Heathen: B+ | Grade It Now!
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The Perfect Date

Lizzie and Steven curl up on his couch, where she admits how little she really knows about him. "It's not your fault," he coos. "I've always been a private guy, which is probably why I was so popular in high school." Lizzie wonders if he was just extraordinarily popular. "Gosh, I hate that word," Steven sighs. "I was well-liked." Lizzie doesn't notice the smoke rising from Steven's pants.

Heath charmingly draws out of Angel that she's a pre-law major. "Great, I need a lawyer," he grins. "I just have this feeling I'm going to get into trouble for something." Angel laughs. Heath invites himself to her room to discuss the merits of his case, and she casually agrees as long as Nina doesn't mind. "I won't if Nina don't," he leers. Angel glares at him. "Nina was my roommate," she snaps. "Was"? Whatever. Heath doesn't have a clue what she means. "She consoled you that night you were so lonely and homesick, and then you had sex with her and never talked to her again," Angel hisses self-righteously. Heath, well aware he's busted, pretends to remember Nina and feigns interest in her well-being. "Maybe you'd know if you ever called her or talked to her," fumes Angel. She now has a commanding lead over him.

Theo appears to cock-block Heath, although Heath doesn't appear to need help in that department. "I'm here for her," Theo announces, slurring an introduction to Angel. She's very nice about it. Theo turns to Heath and pretends to see him for the first time. "Oh my God, it's Heath Ledger," he drawls. "Hey, I just saw Heather Graham leaving. Oh, no, she just left you." Yay! Shout-outs! I seriously got giddy. They worked that in so seamlessly. And I laughed. "Hey, the only difference between your name and hers is 'er,' which...is a really good show," Theo says. Except it isn't. But the juxtaposition of "Heather" and "ER," which they didn't know I also recap, counts as my accidental shout-out. Hooray! Welcome to the City of Shout-Out. I am your mayor. We like to throw our hands up and shout. Every movie theater shows John Travolta's crappy movie, Shout. Our town song is "Shout" by Tears for Fears, and we Shout out our stains. And we drink a lot of Diet Coke. Why? Just because. Angel cracks up at Theo's joshing. "Want me to get rid of this guy?" Theo asks Angel, to Heath's extreme irritation. Angel nods, but instead Theo takes her to the Brazilian room to woo her with dance. "I'm very good at...the Brazilian art of fight-dancing," he brags. Angel takes his arm and leaves, promising only one dance because she's got work. "Now, you say 'just one,' but later you say, 'just wonderful,'" Theo babbles. He then brings up Freddy Got Fingered, and she's polite enough not to slap him. Heath fumes. This figurative cold-cocking doesn't go down well.

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Undeclared

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