The Perfect Date

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B+ | Grade It Now!
The Perfect Date

Rachel and Larice are doing their nails. What the hell? Rachel would totally be up there tearing off her shirt in the Sweden room or something. The phone rings, and Rachel answers; it's Eric, and terror seizes her. She chokes that Lizzie's not around, but swears Lizzie isn't out with Steven. "Don't lie, just tell me!" Eric demands. "I know you too well!" Rachel stammers repeatedly, over his screams, that Lizzie isn't with Steven. Then she grins weakly and thrusts the phone at Larice. "He wants to talk to you," Rachel lies. Larice brings the sassy. Eric goes, "Who the hell is this?" Larice is offended. "It's [Larice]. I live here," she lips. "No you don't," he insists. I think this is the funniest line of the episode, only because of the fact that FOX hasn't aired the one in which she moves in. It feels like an inside joke even though it's an accident. Eric suddenly decides that this is another one of Steven's clever schemes, that little chameleonic rapscallion. "Nice try, minuteman!" Eric shouts. "Let me tell you something..." Larice rolls her eyes and hangs up the phone. See, Rachel? That's called having a spine.

Lizzie is lying down with her shirt off, and Steven massages her shoulders. His tie's loose, indicating that he's almost primed for naughty time. Aw. Not a geek, not yet a studmuffin. "Hey, try this," he giggles. "Say 'aaaah.'" Lizzie obliges, and Steven starts chopping her back so that her voice vibrates. Lizzie's all, "What now?" but tolerates the weirdness because Steven is sweet and harmless and will touch her nipples soon.

Theo and Angel dance together, with her in the front gyrating and his hands on her waist. Shaggy and Ron laugh themselves silly. Vesuvius gurgles its approval. Angel wiggles her breasts. Heath tries to look pitiful, but Angel isn't really paying him a whit of attention, so he wanders over to wreak havoc. "Theo, wow, look at you, you're like Patrick Swayze over here," Heath says, feigning admiration. He curtly tells Angel, through smiling lips, that he thought she had to study. "Hey, Heath, the Queen wants you back at Suckingham Palace," Theo interrupts. Ha! Angel laughs, too. And, woo! A second "Heath" reference! Hurrah! In the immortal words of Tim Curry as Wadsworth, "I'm not shouting...All right, I am. I'm shouting, I'm shouting, I'm shou-" And here's where the candlestick would bop me on the head. And...scene. Anyway, Martin Starr is doing such a good job -- he's the embodiment of a high-school guy getting a taste of college life, and I'm loving it. Heath smiles again, very tightly, and escorts Theo away from Angel. "I have a chance here," Theo protests. Heath cruelly swears that he doesn't have a chance, and that Ron and Shaggy were just trying to mess with him and lied about Angel finding him cute. "She doesn't like Freddy Got Fingered?" Theo gasps, crushed. "You guys are worse than the juniors. I hate you!" Theo runs away. Aw.

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