Rachel dutifully switches the conversation back to Perry, asking if he's at least gotten someone to milk his udder. "I almost did, but then...I didn't," he admits. "That's so sad," Rachel says thoughtlessly.
Outside, Lizzie yells for Steven to stop walking so they can talk. "I don't get why you'd be so upset about me talking about Eric," she pouts. "It's obvious you're no longer interested." Steven so badly wants to bare his soul, but refrains, struggling for words. He's on the verge of crying, I think. I love that Lizzie just assumed he'd be there for her when she was finished see-sawing with Eric. It would serve her right if he wasn't interested, but Steven's so freakin' adorable in this scene that I'm rooting for him to nail her anyway.
Heath can't believe Perry hasn't so much as kissed a girl since fifth grade. He chortles. "Shut up -- don't laugh at him, jerk," Rachel scolds. Shaggy pounces on that one. "Yeah, shut up, [Heath]," Shaggy snaps, patting Perry comfortingly on the shoulder. Perry's spreading it on pretty heavily, calling himself pathetic and looking utterly morose. Kelly mischievously confers with Ron, then loudly asks Rachel, "Truth or Dare?" Rachel can't decide, so Kelly dares her to make out with Perry for five minutes. Heath freezes. Shaggy panics. "Does anyone want to play Uno?" he chokes. "No," Perry glares. Heath hedges that if it's been so long, Perry probably shouldn't go kissing Rachel now as part of some soulless game. "Besides, I hear she's a really bad kisser," Shaggy whispers. Rachel overhears this and takes offense, demanding that Perry march his lips over to her immediately.
Perry gulps. "Be gentle," he trembles, crawling toward her. They kiss, and it's the worst screen kiss of all time. Either the actor is trying to be respectful, or Perry kisses like a goldfish. But Rachel plays along, running her hands along his neck and his back. They're making out right in front of Shaggy, who looks tempted to scratch out his own eyes. While Perry's hand rubs up and down Rachel's back, Kelly grins that she had a surprisingly great time, but Ron needs to walk her home now. Ron is proud. Heath is proud of him. Shaggy is traumatized by what he's watching Rachel do to Perry, and inwardly vows to burn off Perry's hands and tongue in a freak sulfuric-acid accident.