Lizzie brings Kelly to Ron, who grabs a potted lily and holds it so that he'll look sensitive and special and...floral. Lizzie introduces them, then ditches them with a thin excuse about needing to say something to Steven. "Kelly...that's Gaelic for 'church' or 'warrior'..." Ron stammers. Kelly smiles, charmed. I have Busy envy. She seems like so much fun, and quite frankly, if I looked like her, I'd probably never walk away from the mirror. I'm worried, though, that after another six months of Dawson's Creek, she'll get all emaciated like Katie Holmes and I won't be able to admire her anymore. From across the room, Heath mutters, "Let's get this tea boiling." He licks his thumb and touches his nose. So does Ron. So does Steven. And, back to Ron. The game is afoot.
Ron invites Kelly to sit on the couch, just as Steven loudly says to Lizzie, "We should sit down!" The whole thing is so stilted, as they all shuffle toward a circle of chairs and couches. Heath is at the head of the circle; to his left is Rachel, then Shaggy, then Perry, then Steven, then Lizzie, then Kelly and finally Ron, who is to Heath's right. Got it? Very scientific seating. There's a beat of silence before Heath leans over and whispers something into Ron's ear. "Ha HA, ha ha HA," Ron laughs. It's so perfect, because he's trying so hard to make it natural. Basically, from here on out, I'm laughing my ass off. My ass is actually in Cleveland right now. The trick is that everyone asks what the secret is, and Heath and Ron coyly refuse to tell. "No, I saw that, you just told a secret!" Shaggy scolds, a huge smile on this face. Steven says he saw it, too. The group falls silent. Cut to Perry, who is blankly staring off into space. The guys indiscreetly begin to panic. Perry jolts himself awake, rolls his eyes and mechanically says, "Yes, I saw that as well!" That's his best line delivery of the episode. "How dare you not tell me," Shaggy says intensely. "The truth is, you really should tell," Steven adds. "The truth of the matter is, Steven, that I dare not tell," Ron replies. The girls completely buy into it. The girls are so, so dumb. No wonder they go to UNEC. "I dare you to tell us," Shaggy says, barely able to contain his glee. Heath scolds him for throwing out a dare willy-nilly, as if this is some sort of game. I am loving Ron's script. Rachel brightens and suggests that they parlay this into a game. "Of Truth or Dare?" Shaggy bubbles quickly. "Yeah!" Lizzie exclaims. "And we'll start with [Heath] telling the secret." She looks pleased with herself for coming up with this, as if she's Fiesta Einstein. The guys protest loudly, including a hilarious shot of Perry waving his hands in faux protest. Then the noise abruptly dies down. Shaggy can't hold out any longer and giggles, "Okay!" and jiggles happily. I can't really describe it. He's so fucking funny.