United We Stand, Divided We…?

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Strangers In A Train Wreck

Previously on Irritating People And The Marine Life They Try In Vain To Outwit: Osten was a whiny game-quitter. Sandra was a dirty tarp-stealer. Shawn was a bumbling spear-loser. Rupert was a psycho teammate-berater. Andrew was an egotistical leadership-lacker. Ryan S. was a pitiful challenge-choker. Tijuana was a grating Osten-booster. Ryan-O was an inadvertent censor-defier. Peachy was a snide Morgan-taunter. In the end, Ryan S. was the unfortunate shame-walker.

Credits. Best part of the credits? All the castaways' pictures stuffed into the cheekbone of a skull. I love it when the dead feed upon the photographic evidence of the flesh of the living.

Camp of the Damned, Day Seven. Crabs wander around on a rock, wondering whether they can get to the good camp from here. Lill drags herself unhappily up the beach, hauling a big...dinosaur femur or something. Back by the fire, one of the guys is trying to cook the grunge off his feet. You know, with people doing alluring stuff like that, it's a wonder there isn't more sex on this show. I mean, how could you not want a guy who roasts his dirty feet over the fire while you're making dinner? I think there's actually a verse about that in "Isn't It Romantic?" Anyway, in general team-related matters, Andrew offers the following incisive opening commentary: "We only have six tribemates left. I keep looking around for two more. It's kind of strange." Yeah, math is hard! I was waiting for the shot here of him counting on his fingers, by the way, but it was not forthcoming. Lill sits with her hand over her eyes as Andrew continues yapping, noting that morale is low. He really is a great leader, because not everyone could offer that pin-sharp analysis of his tribe's state of mind. Andrew really can read people. I think he might be a genius. He goes on to offer this equally keen insight: "We need a victory." Man, all this pirate crap, and they can't pop for a parrot to flutter around going, "Fat chance, fat chance, awk awk!" at a moment like that? What a missed opportunity. Cheapskates.

Lill is still sitting on the beach with her head down, and now she appears to be muttering her prayers. Either that, or the Boy Scout pledge. She says she's praying for her husband, her troop, and her "new friend, Ryan." This makes her get all teary, and it makes the music guy throw in a tinkly little flourish. Of course, Ryan S. was kind of a screw-up, but I think he was indeed the only person who was any kind of nice to Lill at all, so I don't blame her for being pretty bummed. In a beachside interview, she confirms that tribal council made her gloomy, and that she voted for Osten because he was a big fat quitter. We watch Osten lie with his buff covering his eyes as Lill points out the self-evident fact that Osten lacks heart when it comes to the game. She explains that she and her comically misshapen hat are just doing the best they can to stay in the game as long as possible. Apparently, the time without sleep has given Lill a lot of time to stare at the metaphorical wall and read all the writing on it. She expresses hope that she might at least have a chance at outlasting Darrah, who is snoozing in the shelter as Lill works around the camp. Because what is Survivor voting based on, if not around-the-camp work ethic? Yeah, if you need me, I'll be over here with Lill in the Land Where Reality Show Success Is Merit-Based. It's not that crowded; in fact, the entire population is having a game of four-square later, and we need two more people.

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