V
A Bright New Day

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V is for Visa
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

You know that old Erma Bombeck saying about travel, that when you look your passport photo it is time to go home? The saying truly applies to me, because due to some cruel and ill-timed mental lapse I decided that it would be great if the haven't-washed-my-hair-in-three-days pigtails I was wearing were permanently enshrined on my passport. And so they are. To be clear, I was not seven years old and wearing my Easter dress in fact, I was wearing a crew-neck t-shirt, that I suppose was mine although I have no recollection of it nor is it currently in my closet, that magically manages to be the exact color of my skin. Therefore in the photo, I look naked. Naked and in pigtails. Every time I cross a border I feel like I am going to get arrested for trafficking in child pornography. So the second I start looking like that picture? It is definitely time to go home. When the United States established diplomatic relations with the Visitors, one hundred lucky Vs got to line up for their visas. And get their visa pictures taken. And now we know two things to distinguish the earthlings from the Visitors: lizard skin and passport photos. Those photos were works of art. None of the Vs were blinking, scratching, yawning, or look like their photos were taken by Diane Arbus. No, they look beautiful, each and every one. Obviously the ugly humans are pissed about this and are protesting. Chad Decker reports live from the scene as Anna takes a small step into New York City. She immediately steps into an elevator and is whisked away somewhere. She doesn't blink the entire time. And if Morena Baccarin keeps up this not blinking thing I say she should be given an Emmy or least awarded some conciliatory eyedrops. Chad's writer/producer/assistant reminds him that he had a lot to do with the Vs' big day. He agrees with her, but I'm not sure anyone else would. All he did was have a pro-con panel. How does that do anything except let talking heads listen to themselves talk?

Father Jack is taking his turn in the confessional. Seems like his entire congregation wants to talk about how they are starting to doubt the existence of god because of the Visitors. They don't know if the Vs are angels, demons, or Robert Langdon. The Vs cure cancer and god hasn't done any miracles on earth since the Miracle on 34th Street and the invention of Miracle Whip. But the Vs are more than happy to perform miraculous acts on a daily basis. Father Jack is torn. The Vatican is pro-V, but with his lil sample of the Tree of Knowledge, he knows that the Vs are not what they seem. We don't see what Father Jack counsels his confessors (it's sacred after all), but he looks wracked with doubts of his own. Couldn't god have invented the Vs, too, but just like dodos and Chihuahuas and seven-foot drag queens named Lulu Bates, he forgot to mention them in the Bible?

Erica is working at home going through the pile of papers she pilfered from the Visitor Threat Assessment Joint Task Force. She is separating out the crazies from the dead from the intriguing. She is also talking to the television news that is reporting on the Vs' visas, because she knows that there is no way they did a proper or thorough threat assessment and it just makes her SO mad. Twerp Tyler walks into her fists of fury being shaken at the television. He is so not getting where all the anger towards the Vs is coming from. Erica doesn't give him any hints as to why he should stay away from the Vs, which is probably a good thing since he would just tell them anyway. She tells him to stay away from the city today, but he announces he is going anyway because Bobblehead Brandon needs a ride. She doesn't even attempt to argue and asks if maybe he might be back later? Maybe? Tyler ignores her and opens the door to leave, but is stopped mid-eye roll when he sees a priest standing on his doorstep. He manages to look surprised. Erica is surprised too by the unexpected appearance of Father Jack on her doorstep especially since she's sporting her super short shorts. She retreats behind the kitchen island so the priest will not be lead down the path of temptation by the sight of her pale legs. By the way, do we know if Father Jack's last name is Shepherd? 'Cause that would be rich. Anyway, Jack IS having doubts and he has no one to turn to in his time of crisis except Erica and her short shorts. He doesn't understand what is going on, he doesn't understand why the Vs didn't just annihilate the human race. Erica has no answers, but her short shorts do: The Vs need them for something and they are smart and patient enough to wait for it. Just then Erica's phone rings. She has to go to work...at the Peace Ambassador Center, because there has been a death threat against the Vs. Father Jack smirks at the idea of Erica having to defend the Vs, but she points out that if a human kills a Visitor, suddenly the humans are the bad guys. He asks if she minds if he stays and looks through the pile of papers. Maybe he will recognize someone. Erica looks quizzical for a moment and then realizes that if you can't trust a priest that you know is not an alien, who can you trust?

Ryan and Val stroll through the West Village, past a string of fake restaurants. Val thinks it is adorable that Ryan wants to walk her to work, but he doesn't. He knows everything has changed now and he wants to keep her safe. She smiles up at him and then demands to know what the secret he is keeping this time. Seriously Val? Again with the suspicious mind? Your entire purpose on this show thus far has been to look concerned, doubtful, and chockfull of suspicions and you don't even knock it off when you embarrassed yourself by finding your own hidden engagement ring. While I know therapists tend to be at least as fucked up as their patients, you better freaking relax with the paranoia, because you are even starting to bug me and I am not almost engaged to you. Although, even though you are paranoid, you might be right. As soon as Val is inside her office building, a car pulls up alongside Ryan. He makes sure Val is gone and jumps into the passenger seat. It's Georgie. Ryan wants to know how many others may have escaped the massacre at the warehouse, but Georgie doesn't know. He hasn't dared contact them after they were jacked. Ryan thinks they need to find people to mount a resistance now, because it will only get worse now that the Vs are honored guests of the United States. Georgie agrees, but he doesn't know how to start because they have no money and no compatriots. Ryan disagrees because he has access to both. He tells Georgie that John May, the original V rebel is not a myth, but alive and well and living in Las Vegas with Elvis. I may have misheard that last part. But it's Val's fault, because I've had "Suspicious Minds" stuck in my head ever since she scrunched her eyebrows and opened her mouth. Ryan swears that John May and his Fifth Column of rebellious aliens can bring an army to the fight. Is it just me or does the Fifth Column sound a lot like a gay bar?

Meanwhile, up on the mothership, Anna's Executive Assistant (executive assistants always want that shit capitalized, right?) and a doctor of some sort are discussing the status of Alien Dale. As you might recall from the end of last week's show, Alien Dale is not dead, but alive and well on the Vs' ship. Okay, not "well" exactly, but alive. The doctor tells the EA that he is not sure what if anything Alien Dale will be able to remember, what with his head having been bashed in. The EA is not pleased with this diagnosis. Alien Dale was a highly-placed sleeper for years and they need to know what he knows and find out if he was compromised. The EA and the doctor exchange a long meaningful look. Have I mentioned how incredibly helpful it is that the Vs speak English even when alone on their ship? Alien Dale is awake and the doctor introduces himself as Joshua. He is glad to see Alien Dale awake, because he gave them quite a scare. He explains that Alien Dale has the whole mothership atwitter because they don't get to see heroes that often. Alien Dale is a little groggy still and the doctor explains that he was stabbed in the chest -- someone was aiming for his heart. If he was human he would be dead, so ha ha ha! Alien humor isn't that funny. That's why they came for John Belushi first. Alien Dale can't remember anything from his attack and he needs to know who did this to him. Ooh Erica you better look out. I hear the Vs hold grudges like geckos.

Elsewhere on board the ship, Anna stands watching the news. Actually she is always standing, right? Do they not sit? Oh I guess she sat during her interview with Chad Decker, but there is a serious lack of chairs onboard. Would it kill them to have a few Herman Millers lying around just for you know...office chic? And wouldn't a Successory poster or a kitten mousepad just spruce up the place a little? They don't understand humanity at all. On the television, Chad Decker reports that the face of the resistance movement is one Mary Faulkner, a widow of one of the pilots who was killed during the Visitors' arrival. She has been on a hunger strike for six days and is planning to speak at a protest rally outside the Visitors' Visitor Center. Anna does not like this at all. She tells her Executive Assistant to get all the information he can about this Mary Faulkner. They are going to quash this right now. Well that doesn't sound very neighborly.

Outside the Visitor Center, idiot Tyler is dropping off his big-boned friend Brandon. Brandon feels bad that Ty can't join him in wearing the V uniform with pride, what with getting kicked out of the Junior Peace Ambassador program for punching out a protestor in his failed attempt to impress a girl. Tyler shrugs because he is too hormonally-challenged to think of anything but new and different ways to hook up with Lisa. He also seems to think that she was secretly impressed with his show of manliness, despite the fact that he was acting against his own people. Lisa stands wi

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