V
V

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A | 279 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
V is for Visa
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

You know that old Erma Bombeck saying about travel, that when you look your passport photo it is time to go home? The saying truly applies to me, because due to some cruel and ill-timed mental lapse I decided that it would be great if the haven't-washed-my-hair-in-three-days pigtails I was wearing were permanently enshrined on my passport. And so they are. To be clear, I was not seven years old and wearing my Easter dress in fact, I was wearing a crew-neck t-shirt, that I suppose was mine although I have no recollection of it nor is it currently in my closet, that magically manages to be the exact color of my skin. Therefore in the photo, I look naked. Naked and in pigtails. Every time I cross a border I feel like I am going to get arrested for trafficking in child pornography. So the second I start looking like that picture? It is definitely time to go home. When the United States established diplomatic relations with the Visitors, one hundred lucky Vs got to line up for their visas. And get their visa pictures taken. And now we know two things to distinguish the earthlings from the Visitors: lizard skin and passport photos. Those photos were works of art. None of the Vs were blinking, scratching, yawning, or look like their photos were taken by Diane Arbus. No, they look beautiful, each and every one. Obviously the ugly humans are pissed about this and are protesting. Chad Decker reports live from the scene as Anna takes a small step into New York City. She immediately steps into an elevator and is whisked away somewhere. She doesn't blink the entire time. And if Morena Baccarin keeps up this not blinking thing I say she should be given an Emmy or least awarded some conciliatory eyedrops. Chad's writer/producer/assistant reminds him that he had a lot to do with the Vs' big day. He agrees with her, but I'm not sure anyone else would. All he did was have a pro-con panel. How does that do anything except let talking heads listen to themselves talk?

Father Jack is taking his turn in the confessional. Seems like his entire congregation wants to talk about how they are starting to doubt the existence of god because of the Visitors. They don't know if the Vs are angels, demons, or Robert Langdon. The Vs cure cancer and god hasn't done any miracles on earth since the Miracle on 34th Street and the invention of Miracle Whip. But the Vs are more than happy to perform miraculous acts on a daily basis. Father Jack is torn. The Vatican is pro-V, but with his lil sample of the Tree of Knowledge, he knows that the Vs are not what they seem. We don't see what Father Jack counsels his confessors (it's sacred after all), but he looks wracked with doubts of his own. Couldn't god have invented the Vs, too, but just like dodos and Chihuahuas and seven-foot drag queens named Lulu Bates, he forgot to mention them in the Bible?

V