Anna has a new plan for destroying humanity, and it's a pretty, pretty building that doubles as a spaceship docking station/womenfolk gathering port. I do love a multitasking architecture. Anna names it "Concordia," and the Visitors are having a last-minute hootenanny to celebrate the joyous occasion of preparing humanity for soul destruction and also breeding. Obviously, Erica is doing all the security for the shindig. So when Ryan forms an unholy alliance with Eli Cohen to assassinate the heck out of Anna, save his daughter, and/or hand the leader of the Fifth Column over to the Visitors, it's super-awkward for Erica.
Erica is still Very Disappointed with Tyler for trashing a church. So she bakes him a cake and calls his father. Joe shows up at her office and she tells him the truth about the Visitors and Tyler. Everything from the wonky DNA to the truth about the lizard people to the prenatal testing. They decide that the only hope for Tyler is if Erica and Joe send him on a soul-searching cross-country roadtrip on a motorcycle. But Anna is watching the birthday party and can't let Tyler leave. Her only choice is to give Tyler a really awesome birthday present that will make him stay. A pony? A Maybach? No. He gets his own space shuttle! Take that stupid motorcycle and shove it. Obviously Erica is super-embarrassed, so she decides she is a-okay with the assassination vacation. One-upping the competition is one of those silly human emotional things.
In response to humanity's fickle nature, Chad Decker's television station is shaking things up and bringing in an anti-V counterpoint to Chad's alien love fest. A hottie from Boston gets the job. I am sure this will be important at some point in the future.
The night of the gala, the whole team is working in concert. Father Jack stages a protest outside the event to distract the security and the FBI. Erica brings Kyle and Eli Cohen in the back door to set up their sniper rifles. Ryan had to skip the party because his pretty face is too recognizable to the Visitors. Also, he is hearing voices that are reminding him that only Anna's Bliss can alleviate his daughter's pain. Then someone (*cough* Ryan *cough*) mysteriously tips off the Visitors to the assassination plan. So Anna's No. 2, Marcus, takes her place at the podium. He introduces Tyler as the first human space shuttle pilot and then brings Erica up on stage to show off the Evans clan as the perfect family of the future. Kyle has no choice but to shoot Marcus in the chest for being soooo cheesy.
What's the fallout from the shooting? Marcus may not survive the shot. Tyler isn't joining the shuttle program. Erica is getting officially investigated by the FBI. Anna takes Ryan's baby and Kyle gets mad. Good plan, guys!
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Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates wishes Kyle had killed Tyler instead. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Once again Chad Decker is a guest on Anna's spaceship, which is not a euphemism. While regular viewers would have once thought it was a euphemism due to Chad and Anna's interplanetary chemistry, now that Chad has realized that Anna is a lizard on the inside, he's just not that into her. So the chemistry has cooled off. Most women would have sensed this cooling and recognized it as not only disinterest, but also disgust, but the block of wood who plays Anna has no emotions and, hence no clue, that Chad is now creeped out instead of creeping on. So he stands with his arms crossed over his nether regions a respectful three yards from Anna while she explains her latest "gift" to mankind. It's a giant building that looks like a cross between Hagia Sofia and the Emerald City but with more space ships that Anna has dubbed Concordia. Which, by the way, is the name of the Lutheran college where my Lutheran elementary school would have their annual Lutheran Elementary School tournaments and I was bested in the semi-final round of the chess competition by an even bigger nerd from Kalispell, Montana, thus ruining my chance to ever be crowned Nerdiest Lutheran, although I still have my sash from my many years' rule as Champion of Bible Baseball. So the name is positively fraught with meaning for me.
Anna outlines the benefits of her plan in terms humans in this economy can really relate to: Employment! This place will employ humans from across the globe. Of course Anna means employment in the sense of "employing your women for breeding purposes" but that is a harder sell than you know, money and food on the table and stuff. Anna tells Chad and the gathered camera crew that she is throwing a gala that very night to introduce Concordia to the world. Tonight? She's throwing the party tonight? That right there should be a sign that something is very very wrong with Anna. I mean, a real humanoid girl would know that getting your eyebrows waxed, your hair styled, and finding the perfect gown takes a heck of a lot more time than eight hours. I mean, yes, Anna can order Rachel Zoe and Ken Paves to be brought aboard her ship, but what about the guests? Are they just supposed to clear their schedules? And where is she finding a venue in New York City to host a gala on a moment's notice? Is she just going to bump the Wu-Rabinovitz wedding for her announcement? I think not. That's it. NOW the show has crossed the line into complete ridiculousness.
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