Father Jack, Ryan, and Kyle get their hands on a missile launcher and shoot down a V shuttle. Unfortunately, the transport was not carrying Visitors, but was instead filled with babies, puppies and unicorns. Father Jack is going to have a lot of Hail Marys to do to make up for that. Obviously, Anna is cackling hysterically in the background, because she knew this would happen.
Twelve hours earlier (yes, it's one of those shows), Joshua informs Ryan that after Ryan killed her soldier, Anna is pissed and is sending a transport of trackers after the Fifth Column. Ryan thinks they should shoot the damn shuttle out of the sky. Methinks this will end badly, because I am a fucking psychic. Erica and Kyle worry about media blowback from shooting an entire shuttle out of the sky, and Father Jack worries about the potential loss of innocent life, but Ryan is, like, totally positive that the shuttle will be filled with nothing but V soldiers. His intel is good (or maybe good-ish) and he really wants to blow the shuttle up. Please? Pretty please?
Chad Decker continues to harass Father Jack for access to the Fifth Column. Father Jack is a shite liar and also filled with possible guilt over possible injuries to possible humans possibly riding V shuttles. So he takes the bait and warns Chad not to ride the V-only shuttles today. Especially today. Chad takes the news straight to Anna because he is just that much of a dick. Anna knows the Fifth Column is behind the news, so she decides to teach them a little lesson.
Father Jack is having some serious Doubts, but everyone ignores him. And then they blow up the shuttle and kill lots of innocent bunnies and babies. ALWAYS LISTEN TO THE PRIEST, MOTHERFUCKERS. He has connections [pointing skyward]. This is all too much for Father Jack and his pro-[human] life values.
The FBI is all over the crash, and while Erica is poring through the evidence she notices something simultaneously suspicious and completely exonerating. The Vs loaded the shuttle with dead bodies --The Fab Four didn't kill anyone! Before they can celebrate, the evidence is deleted. The only suspect? Her boss. She dispatches Ryan to destroy the only evidence linking them to the crime.
Chad Decker heads back to the church to pry for more information. But Father Jack is too grumpy to chit-chat, so Chad fills in the void by mentioning his talk with Anna. So now Father Jack feels really guilty. He talks to his boss -- no, not God, but the Senior Priest, who recommends making a full confession to both God and the police. But no need, because he gets hauled into FBI HQ for driving the getaway van. Erica makes a big ruckus and tells Jack the truth about the dead bodies. This gives him the strength to ball up and holler his way out of holding. I mean, who is going to charge a priest? For her good work scaring a priest, Erica gets to run the Fifth Column Task Force. Her co-leader? Agent Malik (yes, Rehka Sharma, who might be a tetch sick of these roles) who, by the by, is a secret Visitor.
Much to Anna's displeasure, Lisa is getting in touch with her Feelings. And once she realizes the full horror show that is the Live Aboard Program, Lisa and her Feelings can't take it. Especially when she sees Tyler has joined the Live Aboard Program and is up for experimentation. Lisa does the only thing she can: She dumps Tyler. Luckily he always has his mommy. As for Lisa, she does not have her mommy's love at all. Anna arranges for Lisa to have her legs broken -- for the cause!
Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates would still let Tyler join the Live Aboard Program. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Mercenary Kyle, Father Jack, and Ryan the Rebel V run through a field with what looks like a guitar case. Urgent troubadour-ing needs guys? Kyle, Mercenary of All Trades, pulls a surface-to-air missile launcher out of his guitar case which doubles as an assassin's Swiss Army knife, aims it at a V shuttle and blows the No Batteries Required-looking motherfucker out of the sky. Father Jack, who Ryan and Kyle have mysteriously brought along with them, like DON'T BRING A PRIEST TO A MASS MURDER, numnuts!, wants to go issue last rites or something. He runs towards the wreckage, which is in about twelve million pieces, and stumbles across a baby doll. Oh shit! Visitors don't have baby dolls, not even American Girl collectible dolls. Visitors know nothing of investment value. Father Jack finds a body and instantly realizes the unimaginable: It's people. Kyle and Ryan are trying to rustle Jack out of the crash site so they can hightail it out of the crime scene, but he wants to looks for survivors or at least bits of survivors? He's hyperventilating in horror and not listening to Kyle who is pointing out that there is no way anyone survived that crash and if they did, well, zombies are no fun in the carpool lane. They have to get back to the city.
At FBI HQ, Agent Erica is pretending to work when suddenly everyone's phones starting ringing. She sidesteps into her office so no one will notice she is really unpopular and no one is calling her. She calls Ryan so she can pretend to be on the phone like all the cool kids. Ryan is in shock as he tries to report what he is seeing. Erica coaxes out of him the bad news: It wasn't a V shuttle, it was people. Aw crap. As sirens near, Kyle manages to keelhaul Jack away from the wreckage and they and Ryan skedaddle.
On the Mothership, No.2 reports to Anna that the shuttle was shot down, just as she planned. Damn, that bitch is evil! Anna smiles as No. 2 continues explaining that the human remains were found. Anna giggles that both law enforcement and the public will HATE this and will totally rise up against the culprits, the Fifth Column. Hahahahhahaha. Marcus and Anna high five, which makes me a tad suspicious about this whole "accident".
Suddenly "Twelve Hours Earlier" flashes across the bottom of the screen. So it's one of THOSE shows, eh? Every action/adventure drama has to have at least one episode where you see the apex of the action and then flash back and retrace the steps that led to that incident. It's like the writers looked at the calendar and said, oh, yep, only a few episodes left, better write that "Twelve Hours Earlier" episode. So, twelve hours ago, Ryan has returned to his and Val's home and is sobbing to himself while looking at all the detritus of their former happy life together. Before the house of card built on his lies and Val's stubborn stupidity and inability to forgive brought it all tumbling down. Even the pictures on the walls are askew because even the inanimate objects are filled with sorrow over the life that used to be, like a William Carlos Williams poem come to life. Oh, wait...there was a big scuffle between Ryan and the V security guards, so scratch that William Carlos Williams. Aw crap, I outed myself as a poetry nerd FOR NO REASON. I swear to god I am not wearing velvet and do not drink herbal tea and definitely do not know any harp players. Let's pretend this never happened. Nothing to see here, move along. Look! Squirrel bear! As Ryan is crying over a cracked and broken (literally, definitely not figuratively) picture of him and Val, his V communication device goes off. He had it set on vibrate in his front pocket, natch. It's Joshua with an important V update. He has learned that after Ryan et al killed the V Soldier, Anna got even testier. I mean that was one of her tadpole babies! But, wait. I thought they didn't kill the Soldier? I mean, they shot it and sliced it and fought it and Kyle put an axe in it, but I'm pretty sure it just walked away, right? Maybe it just went to die in the woods alone. Either way, Anna is determined to squash the resistance the same way she squashed that tadpole when she was making a point to Lisa: without hesitation and completely. Also, sticky. Also also, it's a good thing the Supreme Court approved the making of crush videos before that episode aired, right? Aw crap. Did I just out myself as a legal nerd too? I swear I do not smell like a law library or have any idea who Oliver Wendell Holmes is or what CPLR stands for. Nor do I ever wear Theory clothing (motto: Making clothes for young lawyers and those who just want to look like one). Anna is sending down a shuttle of V trackers to exterminate the problem. Joshua doesn't think Ryan should let that shuttle touch ground, because they will never be able to stop the trackers once they are let loose on terra firma. Ryan say no problem, he'll just track down a missile (on eBay maybe? Or the local Big Lots store?) and blow the shuttle out of the sky. Well so long as Joshua can get him the magical V code that will enable mere human technology to blow the fucker up. Joshua promises to find him the code.
Father Jack is doing his boxing priest work out. I don't know where I would find the numbers on this, but according to television and the movies, every priest boxes. Is this something they do in the seminary for fun? Was this an order from a Vatican encyclical? Or is this just a visual short cut for Fighting Irish leads to Irish Catholic leads to Boxing Catholic priests? So Father Jack is fulfilling his duty and beating up a bag when Erica wanders into the church. She points out he is dropping his right and then strips into a tank top for the Awkward Priestly Sexual Tension part of the show (not Jason Priestley, 'cause that would be even more awkward) and then she starts beating the bag, too. Kyle walks in on them and awkwardly makes a Thorn Birds reference, which would have been hilarious if I believed for a second that he, let alone Erica, read increasingly obscure romantic Australian family sagas. Also, show? PLEASE don't fabricate sexual tension between Father Jack and Erica. It is as unlikely as it is unnecessary. Really, Jack's struggle with his faith in light of the arrivals of the Visitors is sufficient tension, no need to add female troubles into the mix. Kyle then scoffs at Erica's boxing prowess. I mean: Lady boxers? What will they think of next? Erica defends her skillz because she has four brothers who obviously all boxed and nary a one was a librarian or an art historian. No, ALL boxers. Also, she's an FBI agent and as such must love boxing. Even Scully loved the Brutal Arts. Ryan interrupts their sporting life to announce that he needs to get his hands on a Stinger missile. Kyle pitches a tent in his pants at the thought of getting his hands on some real hardware, but both Father Jack and Erica are having a case of the doubts. While Erica may be a boxer, she may not have the balls to blow up an entire shuttle. And Father Jack has serious concerns about the potential loss of human life. But Ryan is firm: If the V trackers hit the ground, they are all dead. Even Kyle is starting to have doubts because blowing a shuttle out of the sky could make the Fifth Column look like terrorists. Ryan is convinced that with V body parts littering the ground, Anna will make sure that it is classified as a shuttle malfunction so the FBI will stay away and not start asking questions. Ryan also swears that his intel is perfect and there will be no humans on that shuttle and it will land in a remote area and no one will get hurt. Erica sighs and is suddenly onboard with the plan. Jack looks at her in shock that she would agree to go along with it. Kyle happily whips out his cell phone to call his friend on the Upper West Side of Manhattan who he knows has at least two or three Stinger missiles under his bed. For recreational use only, natch. Okay, knowing what happens 12 hours from now, Ryan's speech is pretty unconvincing. It's like he ju