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A Little Help From My Friends
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Erica, Kyle and Father Jack have the V's hired human assassin in custody. And by "custody," I mean hog-tied to a rafter, arms hoisted overhead with a gag in his mouth, looking like an extra in one of the S & M episodes of CSI or a protagonist in a Stephen Elliot novel. Erica cannot believe a human -- even a human assassin who you know has to be kind of a dick already -- would turn against his entire species and start offing Earthlings at the behest of the Vs. The assassin ...Wait: Here's the only thing I remember from an entire semester of high school Arabic classes: "Assassin" derives from the word hashasheen (no I'm not writing in Arabic letters), which referred to the crazed hash fiends roaming the streets of Cairo back in the good old days and offing people just for the offing. They were basically the crackheads of yore. Not that there's anything wrong with crackheads, in case any of you crackheads are going to get offended by that and start e-mailing long hate-filled missives about how I misuse hyphens and can't write in Arabic script. Sensitive lot, you crackheads. Anyway, Erica is by no means calling her prisoner a crackhead. That would go contrary to the Geneva Convention Against the Torture of Prisoners. Instead she is all ACTING! in his face, which is just as cruel, but not mentioned in the Geneva Convention at all, which is clearly a gross oversight. I'll alert my representative at the United Nations. The assassin swears up and down that the only reason he killed those nice, kindly, innocent Fifth Column members was because the nasty old Vs made him. They threatened his family! His wife! His daughter! His guinea pig! He had no choice. Kyle, heartless mercenary that he is (or at least, that he plays on TV) knows the guy is lying and smacks him around a bit. The killer hones in on the softie of the group -- Father Jack, wearing his clerical collar -- and pleads for clemency, or at least to hold off on the pummeling, Erica, who is playing the Goodish Cop to Kyle's I'll-Fuck-You-Up Cop, keeps her line of questioning to the matter at hand, namely: where is the hard drive with the names of the other Fifth Column members. He swears he has no idea, has never seen it, doesn't even know what a computer is. Kyle winds up for another punch, but Father Jack stops him. Morality can be a real party pooper.

Ryan and Val have just escaped from the Visitors' Healing Center and are trying to make it on the mean streets of New York City. Val doesn't understand what is going on, because, well, the more I get to understand Val the more I think she's a few nuts short of a pie. Is that a saying? If not, it should be. Yes, most of us would have a hard time accepting that our fiancé and baby daddy has a dozen passports and a gun collection to rival Charlton Heston, but wouldn't you just maybe TALK to him before running? I mean, maybe I've watched too much Burn Notice, but I would think SPY and then I would be all kinds of excited. Especially after Ryan's daring rescue of her from the healing center. I mean, right? Those were some bold moves he showed on that V doctor and then he immolated the guy in about three seconds. That's some serious spy shit. Anyway, Val is hesitant to go on running without some answers, so Ryan just blurts it out: He's a Visitor. She doesn't believe him. He explains that some Visitors came earlier than others. She shouts: I'm pregnant! And I'm pretty sure Ryan is aware of that. Val still doesn't get it. Why are the Visitors chasing her? He explains that the Visitors want their baby. That's enough for Val to start running again.

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