The priest we know walks with an older priest we do not know. The young priest is expressing his doubts that God's love extends to space aliens. The older priest reminds him to have faith not only in God, but also their trusted leaders who have all jumped on board the alien bandwagon. And if he doesn't like it Jack (the younger priest) is welcome to call up the Vatican and complain. Jack's eyes widen at the thought of the infallibility of the Pope, who apparently has already issued some 'aliens are alright' decree. Jack still has doubts about how god and extraterrestrial life can co-exist, revealing that he hasn't watched nearly enough Battlestar Galactica. The older priest plots how best to martyr Jack before he can let the creeping doubt interfere with his ministry. Jack points out that their ministry consists of two hookers and a heroin addict, but the old priest quietly points into the church: every single seat is filled and people are still pouring into the church. You gotta have faith-a faith-a faith. Heh heh, now you all have George Michael stuck in your heads, too.
Tyler and his idiotic friend are watching the news, which is reporting that the UN is gathering to meet with the aliens. Erica, however, is working. She is a counter-terrorism expert and has been tracking cells of terrorists. When the aliens arrived, chatter dropped among all the terrorist groups, except one, where it spiked. She thinks this is intriguing, but her partner who is played by the guy who played Wash in Firefly doesn't think it's that interesting. And now for a brief geek out: I am so excited to see Wash and Inara together again. Firefly was such a great series and they were great characters in it and I love watching the diaspora of the Whedon-verse. And did you all see Nathan Fillion strap on his Captain Mal costume on Castle? Be still my nerd heart. Agent Erica thinks it is odd the cell would suddenly be trying to buy a large amount of C4. She thinks they are going to hit a target while the whole world is distracted by the Visitors. Wash says he will look into it. He asks how she is doing with this whole we-are-not-alone thing and she shrugs and bitches about her self-centered ex-husband. Somehow, he's still a dick, even though aliens exist.
On the news, we see Anna has flown down to the United Nations and is on her way into the General Assembly. She stops to speak to the gaggle of reporters (that is the official term for it) and Chad Decker is in the crowd. Anna reports that the Visitors are thrilled to have new friends to invite to their birthday parties. Anna reminds the world that they are at peace, always. Chad clicks his pen thoughtfully. Tyler, Erica's son, stares googly-eyed at the TV screen seemingly mesmerized by the beautiful Anna and her message of peace. Or, after years of sitting too close to the television set, his eyes got stuck open. At the UN, the real reporters are asking the tough questions like why the alien lifeforms look just like humans and Anna answers coyly, which makes the reporters press her. Chad Decker can't stand watching journalists hard balling such a pretty lady (that sounds really...dirty) and gallantly requests that they show respect and only ask questions like what is her favorite food and which Jonas Brother she likes best. The real journalists all turn to stare at the chuckleheaded Chad, but Anna smiles at him and lets him ask his tough question. Chad asks if there is such a thing as an ugly Visitor. She doesn't get it, so he explains that all the Visitors he has seen are very attractive. Anna thanks him and then flirtatiously adds that "he's not so bad" himself. Everyone titters appreciatively and Anna walks off, leaving them wanting more, always. Before she steps onto the elevator, she frenches Chad with her eyes. Aliens are kinky like that. Chad uses the interaction as a teaching moment on his nightly news broadcast. He thinks her pithy comeback reveals that the Visitors have a sense of humor. I think it reveals that she read a lot of Cosmo during her intergalactic travels. Once back in outer space, Anna flips from a re-run of Friends (Fact: Chandler Bing is hilarious in any language) to catch Chad's broadcast. A minion comes to her and she tells him that she wants Chad. We can only assume as an entree.
Oh look an ad for 2012. I guess we already know how it ends, since they announced a television series based on the movie with the title 2013. Guess I'll save my money and put it towards my bomb shelter. It's guaranteed 100% Mayan proof!
Cut to three weeks later. The Visitors have set up healing centers and people afflicted with the 65 ailments the Vs can cure (not hangnails, though, natch) are flooding the offices. People are flocking to host cities to see the motherships in person and the government is setting up Visitor Centers. Obviously some people who were undoubtedly fat in junior high and mocked accordingly and now suffer from low self esteem and are taking it out on the Vs, are protesting the arrival of such pretty pretty people. Agent Erica is hard at work tracking terrorists. She tells her partner (whose name we still don't know) that she finally has a real lead on her terror cell. She shows him a report of a stolen van that was found on an abandoned brownfield site in Long Island. The truck had traces of C-4. They go investigate. Agent Wash (they still haven't told us his name) hasn't turned up anything during his survey of the site, but intrepid Agent Erica, who is definitely the Brain to Wash's Pinky, is on to something. She spies a decrepit shack in the middle of the brownfield. While at first glance it is empty, she pulls a rope and finds a trap door. She is really earning her exorbitant salary right now. She and Wash head down the trapdoor, turn on the lights and step into a long cement underground hallway. They pull their guns and investigate. Erica leads naturally as Wash is pretty much a putz. They follow the tunnel and find a room populated solely by a man who appears to have been beaten to death and left tied to a chair. Wash smartly rules out suicide as the cause of death. Erica ignores him and continues her investigation. She uncovers an enormous stash of C-4.
Ryan (Morris Chestnut) is leaving an office building when his phone rings. It is a white guy, who apparently shops at the same store as Ted Kaczynski, so we pretty much know exactly who and what he is from the get go. He needs Ryan's help, because "they are here and it has started." Ryan doesn't know how he got his number (bathroom stall on the left at the office, obviously), but he needs to forget it. Ryan is just not that type of guy anymore. Ryan hangs up on him just as his lady meets him for lunch. The phone rings again and Ryan silences it. At the Manhattan Heliport, Tyler and his doofus friend have somehow managed to score tickets to a tour of the Vs' mothership. They get on a shuttle and fly to the enormous ship. They shuttle lands in the middle of a ship so huge that it really looks like a cross between the Cylon base ship and Cloud Nine, the R and R ship in the Galactica fleet. The ship is obviously very clean and white, because as far