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Their World is Not Enough
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Our delightful redux of the celebrated 80s mini-series starts off with a question: Where were you when JFK was shot? Watching Mad Men, obviously. And then another question: Where were you on 9/11? In New York City, nothing funny about that. And then another: Where were you this morning? Well, since you asked...I woke up in a gutter in Dubai, which isn't as bad it sounds because in Dubai, gutters are lined with down comforters and masseuses. It is 6:30 in the morning and our trusty leading FBI agent is still in bed. What, our tax dollars can't pay you to get up by 6 a.m.? Crime doesn't sleep, agent, and neither should you. Where's your work ethic, missy? This is America and you are her representative. Elizabeth Mitchell (more notably known as Juliet from Lost) plays the lazy narcoleptic FBI agent and she only deigns to open her eyes when the bed starts a-rockin'. She wakes up and goes to ask her son if he felt (or caused) the tremor. He is a boy after all. Unfortunately, her son is not there to play scapegoat so Ms. Mitchell should investigate her own diet (and maybe re-consider picking the tostada bar at the Sizzler for lunch). She calls her son to yell at him and he is brave enough to answer her phone call despite the fact that he didn't go home. She is going to feel so bad when she finds out he's in the hospital and she's yelling.

Over at the friendly neighborhood church, the priest opens the doors and greets the homeless who are sleeping there because he is a Man of God and loves all. Even the stinky ones. Know what he does not love? Tremors. Because they are rather obvious intimations that the End of Days is nigh and he still hasn't seen the Brewers win the World Series. So obviously he has displeased the Lord God Almighty somehow. Meanwhile, Scott Wolf makes his triumphant return to television and simultaneously showers and appears on television as reporter Chad Decker. He is a serious journalist. You can tell because he is reporting on foreclosures and not even Ryan Seacrest does that. He opens the shower door and the camera cuts to a different door opening before giving us even the slightest soupcon of Scott Wolf's freshly-showered self. Cruel and unusual behavior if you ask me. The new door opens to Morris Chestnut buying a ring at a jeweler's. We see a photo of him squeezing the girl from ER and 24 who is not quite famous enough for me to know her real name, but definitely qualifies as a "Hey It's That Girl!" She has a lot of books open, so obviously she is a student. Or Bob Cratchit. She has no focus, though, because the second the ground starts shaking, she gets distracted. You'll never make the Dean's List with that attention span, missy!

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