Lest you forget, Anna is all about Bliss. Unfortunately, the Fifth Column is immune to her Bliss and have been suicide bombing the ships. When Anna realizes that the Fifth Column members are starting to feel that disgusting human emotion of empathy, she devises a plan to sniff out the rebels. Basically she shows them Schindler's List and Where the Red Fern Grows and sees who cries. Dancer in the Dark worked, too, but she hated the music. (Vs have terrible taste in music.)
Kyle, the mercenary with the tweeny name, wants to issue a call to arms to the Fifth Column. And the call can only be issued from the mother ship and, of course, Ryan is the only one who can get on board. He is not totally opposed to the mission, though, because he has some extra impetus to get on the ship: Val's pregnancy is problematic and she needs V prenatal vitamins if she is going to survive. So with the help of Kyle's underworld contacts, Ryan whips up some fake V credentials to sneak back on board the ship. Luckily tracksuits are still in style, although basic human kindness is way out and caring gets Ryan noticed. He winds up watching Old Yeller with nary a tissue in sight. Luckily the people running the test are on his side. The Chief Medical Officer, Joshua, and his sidekick, Samuel, introduce themselves to Ryan and offer up their help. They also know what the phosphorus means and warn Ryan that a pregnant woman is nothing to trifle with. Um, yeah. that is a universal phenomenon.
Meanwhile, Kyle is digging up all the dirt he can on his new blackmaily coworkers and Father Jack approaches Chad Decker with the hope that he will help dig up dirt on the Vs. And the funny thing is, he might actually do it. Invisible aneurysm be damned! Anna's scary.
Erica decides that the only way to get Tyler away from the Vs is to take him to his dad. His father is willing to keep him, but he wants to tell Tyler the truth about who he really is. No, we don't know what that means. Erica is comforted by the knowledge that Tyler is safe. She doesn't know that Lisa GPS'd Tyler, shows up on his dad's doorstep and asks to meet the parents.
Georgie goes to visit Val in the hopes of getting news about Ryan and he gets news alright. When he sees Val's copy of Not What You Were Expecting lying around, he realizes she is pregnant. Georgie decides to go up to the ship to try and help Ryan who has been MIA for several hours. He arrives in time to see Ryan making his way off. But Ryan has stripped off his V uniform, which has caught the attention of the guard. So Georgie ices the guard and gets taken into custody, while sending Ryan off to live with his wife and tadpole. The silver lining is that the Visitors can blame Georgie for all the shenanigans on the ship that day. And shenanigans there were. You see, the Vs have introduced a live aboard program, which is basically a sleep away camp for the randomly chosen special few (kind of like The Real Housewives of New York.) As Anna is announcing the program, Joshua manages to hack the message and sends out the Fifth Column's call to arms: "John May Lives."
Anna is doling out the new age Bliss to her junkie employees, but the straight edgers have joined forces with the AA folks and joined the Fifth Column and REALLY hate the rampant drug use aboard the ships. So one Fifth Column member, who is probably just pissed because Anna can pleasure his girlfriend more than he ever could, turns all Unabomber and takes out the holodeck on the Sydney, Australia mothership. Needless to say that Anna is not full of bliss (or Successory slogans) when she gets the news or hears her No. 2's POV that the Fifth Column is getting more uppity by the day. Like, she knows, okay! And don't bring her problems without solutions. She is not happy that the Fifth Column is immune to her Bliss. They are starting to feel empathy and other human emotions (like the sads, I presume) and if they banded together they could be a real threat (to Zoloft and Kleenex supplies across the universe). She tells No. 2 to fetch Joshua, the Chief Medical Officer, because she has a plan.
Chad Decker is on the old teevee talking about an upcoming press conference at the Visitors' visitor center. Tyler hears the news that there might be news and grabs his Peace Ambassador jacket anxiously. He is fully planning on skipping school just in case something interesting happens, but Erica is drinking coffee out of her Best Mom Ever mug and Tyler can't argue when she reminds him that he has school. She glances nervously at the iSight camera built into his PA jacket, smiles and says she loves him and that he can go to the PA center after school. We don't know much about how the general earthling population is embracing the Vs, but I still bet the PAs are about as popular as the AV Club. Meanwhile, No. 2 is hosting a press conference and amid the gaggle are Georgie and Father Jack totally not blending in. I mean, why exactly would a priest be at a press conference? Maybe he's reporting for the church's newsletter. No. 2 announces a new Visitor program that will allow humans to live aboard their mothership and truly experience the V lifestyle. The lucky (??) humans will be chosen at random from cities across the globe and invited onto the ships. No. 2 does not mention whether these humans will simply be taken a la every alien abduction movie ever or whether they can, like, choose to go. Georgie and Father Jack shift uncomfortably as they try to figure out what exactly the Vs might be up to with this live aboard program. Georgie points out Chad Decker in the crowd and suggests that they ask the alien mouthpiece (which would be an AWESOME band name, send royalty checks now please) if he has any idea what is going down. Quick aside: If Jack and George (when I write their names like that I feel like I'm quoting a Jasper Fforde nursery crime novel) are so determined to stay off of the V's radar, WHY ARE THEY AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE? Just watch that shit in the rectory, under only the eyes of your giant crucified Jesus statue. Sheesh.
Later at the church, Erica tells Ryan that if she can't keep Tyler away from the creepy crawlies, she is going to tell him the truth. Ryan points out the rather OBVIOUS POINT that if she tells Tyler and 1. He tells his alien girlfriend or 2. He stops going to the ship entirely, it will be bad for the Fab Four. The Vs are watching Tyler and Erica just needs to be patient while they work on a plan. Patience is not one of Erica's many presumably subtle virtues. Her biggest virtue so far is icing an alien with a Crate and Barrel picture frame a.k.a. Being Hard Core. As for any others, I'm still not quite sure. Speaking of lacking in virtue, Erica and Ryan meet Georgie and Father Jack in the church office. They are greeted with a surly off-Irish accent by the woefully-named mercenary, Kyle, who has apparently been waiting all day for someone to come hear the speech he has been working on about the uselessness of the Fab Four. Dude, WE KNOW. But they did blow up a warehouse, which you got blamed for, so that is something. Kyle thinks that without an army they are as good as dead. Georgie assures him that they have an army called the Fifth Column, but then Ryan quickly un-assures (or whatever the opposite of assures is) him that the Fifth Column is spread out all over the globe and can't be easily organized or mobilized. So Kyle has a plan: Ryan has to break onto the V ship, hijack the signal while Anna is making her announcement about the live aboard program, and get a message to the Fifth Column. Ryan blinks slowly in Morse code: "No Fucking Way," but Kyle is pretty convinced that is the only plan. And it's not like anyone has EVER offered up a better plan to activate the Fifth Column.
Ryan has brought Val to a new special ob/gyn who looks suspiciously like Ryan's V pal. The doctor examines the ultrasound before assuring Val that her baby is just fine. The doctor then pulls Ryan into the hallway and yells at him for failing to tell Val the truth. Ryan explains that he loves Val and doesn't want to lose her by telling her the truth (Dr. Phil would so have WORDS about that statement) and everything he has worked for/fought for/exploded for has been for her. He just can't tell her that she is going to give birth to a crocodile. I guess she should feel lucky that she's not laying an egg. Also, Ryan is not 100% convinced that this pregnancy is a good idea. OH REALLY? Are you worried that your girlfriend will eventually notice that her baby has nictitating eyelids (thank you, Google) or will get suspicious when the pediatrician diagnoses mouth rot? The doctor encourages Ryan to decide quickly, because Val is being sapped of her phosphorus by the unborn and without a special concentration of it, she will probably die. Thenshe shows Ryan the real ultrasound of his baby and he stares at it and then quickly uploads it to his Facebook page. That's right, he and the baby are Facebook official. He will do whatever is necessary to keep it alive. He'll even go on the mothership and get the phosphorus pills, which is good, because that is the only place the doctor knows to get the pills.
Erica is actually working at her actual office when one of her co-workers reports that he may have a lead on the exact whereabouts of the awfully sexy, feared, respected and accomplished mercenary, Kyle Hobbes. Of course it is Kyle talking about himself. He has acquired FBI credentials and walked right on into their headquarters. Erica smiles, impressed. She pulls him into a private room. Kyle has a new plan: He is going to go onboard the mothership and embed the message to the Fifth Column. There is a tactical advantage to getting the message sent out today and since Ryan won't, he will. Erica looks skeptical, but then Kyle points out that he got into the FBI headquarters, now didn't he? Erica may be developing a small crush. I mean, she can't defrock a priest, now can she? Oh please, you know that priest's collar will be lying on the floor of Erica's Crown Royal by the end of the season.