Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A+ | 2 USERS: C
The Mommy Wars
the good old days, when one of Eli's men drops a body on the floor. They found him snooping around the basement. Obviously it's Joe. And he's not dead, just bloodied. And REALLY stupid. Erica is not pleased. But also pleased. I mean, she is a girl after all and, gosh, that's a romantic gesture. Erica orders him uncuffed and then demands to know what the heck he is doing there. Joe sheepishly explains that he saw the hostage thing on TV and came to rescue her. Her friend Caldwell at the FBI left the blueprints in the car and he took it as a sign from god. Erica shakes her head sadly, because she's never heard of Caldwell and she is only a fake hostage. Erica quickly deduces that Caldwell was actually a V sleeper agent and that the Visitors are working behind the scenes in this situation. Erica stashes Joe out of the way somewhere while she and Eli try to parse out Anna's plans. But neither of them can figure out why Anna would want Joe inside the building with them. Come on guys, you're not dreaming big enough! Quick, someone tack a Successories poster on the wall so these two can think outside the box.

Tyler can't reach his father so he has no choice but to rush down to the scene and... er, stand around impatiently? Lisa tries to talk some sense in to him, but he's Tyler so that's pretty much pointless. She shrugs as he motorcycles off into the sunset. A quick dermatological aside: The Visitors are really good at pretending to be human, except they should do a closer study of skin. I mean, when you look at Lisa's face it is rather obvious that they don't know humans have pores. I always thought they could have lured human women into their health clinics if they just used their technology for wrinkle removing and pore shrinkage.

Up in space, Anna is happy with their progress, but Mr. Turtleneck has to point out that the FBI won't use a great deal of force since Erica is inside. Anna has a new plan: Get Marcus' free agent, one Kyle Hobbes, to incite the violence necessary to kill Erica and Joe and bring Tyler back to her. Remember Kyle was working as a mercenary for hire for Marcus. Anna claims he will do anything they say and this will allow the Visitors to remain free of the situation while controlling all the movements. Mr. Turtleneck goes to make it so.

Eli Cohen has realized that something queer is going on. The FBI snipers are locking onto targets that should be completely hidden from view. Erica realizes it must be the Visitors' advanced technology at work. She knows that if the FBI is locking on to targets they are about to storm the building. She tells Eli to get his men out, but Eli has other plans. Apparently his Facebook status asked all suicide bombers in the area to come outside and wait for his signal and then seize hostages and come on into the party. The FBI is stunned by the bold move. Erica's boss, inexplicably speaking into his sleeve instead of just a regular handheld walkie talkie, tells his men to stand down because there are innocent civilians involved now. Inside Erica quickly realizes what Eli did and goes to holler at him about his life choices. She didn't agree to no hostages! Luckily Eli brought a soap box with him. He stands up and lectures Erica about the fate of the human world under Anna's rule. She killed his family, she forced Joe into the building, she is going to kill them all. Everyone is going to die! A few lives more or less isn't going to matter in the big picture. The hostages he took will ensure that Erica lives. That Tyler's father lives. He is going to die today and he's okay with that, so long as the work of the Fifth Column can continue. He tells Erica that his second in command (he indicates some guy over there with a mustache) knows everything and everyone's phone numbers and Twitter handles. With him by her side Erica will be able to lead the Fifth Column to victory and crush the aliens like the bugs they are. Erica is like, whoa whoa whoa, you want me to control the Fifth Column? But I don't take hostages or kill innocent people or string up Peace Ambassadors or use suicide bombers or anything. Why do you want me to run the terrorist organization? Eli looks almost feverish (yes, he may actually be acting) as he tells Erica that he is entrusting his organization to her because she knows that this fight is a fight for the future of all their families. So he wants her to run the organization because she is a mom. Finally mothers are getting the respect they deserve. Erica looks panicked, but solemnly accepts the responsibility of running the largest terrorist operation in the world. There's no way this is harder than taking Ty's entire second grade soccer team to Chuck E. Cheese that one time! Or, you know, running a FBI taskforce. Same same, probably.

The layman known as Jack joins the growing mob on one side of the police barricade. He is wearing his civvies and blends in nicely with the crowd despite the halo floating over his head. He surveys the scene and calls the only person he can think of, his brother-in-arms, Kyle Hobbes. He asks Kyle to come down there because he smells something fishy and he's pretty sure it is V. Don't you think they smell fishy? It seems likely. Kyle reminds him that he is still a wanted criminal and he can't exactly go marching into an FBI standoff. He hangs up on Jack who is probably feeling pretty lonely about now. Who wants to give Jack a hug? *Raises hand*

Kyle is loitering in a nondescript alley when he gets Jack's call. (Living in NYC, I have to say, I don't think there are that many alleys. I mean, an alley is just undeveloped real estate. Why have an alley when you can put up a 15-story luxury condo building with stainless steel appliances and a $3million price tag? Right?) It's not clear why he is there, but Mr. Turtleneck steps out from somewhere (not the shadows because it's midday) the second Kyle hangs up and tells Kyle that Anna has a job for him. Kyle snorts derisively and Mr. Turtleneck pulls out a picture of a woman and reminds Kyle that their deal is that he works for them and this woman, Sarah, stays alive. Kyle smirks, "Yeah, she's been dead five years. Nice try, asshat." Mr. Turtleneck smiles that Kyle never found the body and she's actually alive. Then he plays a recording of a woman (who sounds like Erica) saying something non-committal like "Kyle, they have me!" and then the recording ends. It's not very convincing, but I guess we are supposed to believe that Kyle is so overwhelmed with emotion that he forgets to be logical. Kyle! Take a moment and listen to reason! Instead Kyle points a gun at Mr. Turtleneck and demands to know where she is. Mr. Turtleneck gently reminds him that if he kills him then he will never find Sarah. Instead, all Kyle has to do is walk over to the siege with this little device and cause a massive 'splosion. Easy peasy, right? For some reason Kyle agrees to it. I guess he trusts the Visitors now? That is probably the main lapse in this show's plots. I mean why would any of the Fifth Column fighters trust the Visitors when they make these deals with them? I mean does Ryan really think Anna will ever give him his daughter? Does Erica really think Anna will leave Tyler alone? Does Kyle really think he does this one little favor and his wife/sister/girlfriend/daughter will be returned to him and he can go retire in Boca? I mean, really? Why would anyone believe them when they have proved themselves to be completely untrustworthy? Well, at least this episode is enjoyable to watch. Kyle lets Mr. Turtleneck walk away as he stares at the detonation device.

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