After a hiatus as long as this, thank your lucky stars that there are a heck of a lot of "previously ons," because I for one have the attention span of a circus flea and there was, like, an entire season of Kell on Earth occupying the "intense plot" part of my brain. So anyway, the priest got stabbed by a V security guard and was helpfully rushed to the V emergency room. Meanwhile the same security guard invades Agent Erica's home and tries to shiv her, too. But being a trained federal agent, she ices him in her living room with nothing more than some kitchen utensils and a Crate & Barrel picture frame. She also knows that her teenage idiot son Tyler is onboard the V ship. She goes to find him, but the Vs only give her a hologram to argue with and are keeping Tyler in some sort of stasis on board. But, hey, silver lining! She doesn't have to live with Tyler. Ryan assures her that the death of the V security guard will be unnoticed, because he was just trying to clean up his own mess before Anna and her love of skinning things caught wind of his big fuck-up. You know, the one where he let Ryan, Father Jack and Agent Erica into the warehouse where they blew up the R6 and flu vaccine.
Chad Decker is reporting on the warehouse that Father Jack, Ryan and Agent Erica exploded last week. The news is unsettling for Anna and the Vs, but Anna promises to make an army and crush the resistance. Meanwhile, Father Jack's gaping hole of a stab wound gets fixed up by the V doctors, but then he gets a dose of the R6 flu vaccine. Speaking of R6, Anna wants to use Chad Decker to encourage people to use the V healing centers and get their free shot of R6. But Chad's not feeling the V love, despite his private lunch with Anna. It must be all her veiled threats giving him indigestion. Chad crumbles under the pressure and airs his report on the Visitors' healing centers. He is also going to get his Future Self cured of that nasty brain aneurysm. Anna is pleased.
Over at the FBI, Agent Erica is not thrilled to be working with Anna's Number 2 and his fancy CSI technology that would totally tick off Gil Grissom on the warehouse explosion. Not only because he is holding her son hostage, but because she was the one who blew up the damn warehouse and doesn't want to get outed in front of her colleagues. Luckily the Vs are determined to pin the crime on someone else: A guy named Hobbes who is a gun for hire, and not at all a philosopher. Erica and Ryan want to get to him first to see if he will help with their revolution. Ryan and Erica can be rather convincing, and Hobbes knows they mean bizness. Meanwhile, Tyler is still getting scanned by his V girlfriend. She and her bad mommy Anna are looking for something that will allow Tyler to loosen the familial bonds between him and Erica. It's called college, ladies, look it up. Eventually, Tyler comes back down to earth and then home and recites the lines that Anna fed him and then admits that he joined the Peace Ambassadors. Erica hugs her idiotic son tightly.
Father Jack and Georgie join Erica in trying to convince Hobbes to join their fight, but it is Ryan's Big Reveal with a revolving reptilian eyeball that convinces Hobbes to pick up arms and fight the Vs.
In other V news, Ryan knocked up his bride-to-be, and the pregnancy is advancing completely abnormally. She's only six weeks along but starving and can feel the baby move and has a desire to eat dead rodents. All you Twilight fans can guess how this ends, right? Ryan finds a friendly doctor who is stunned by the news that aliens can procreate with humans. The doctor reports that the R6 is basically a means of tagging humans for tracking purposes. Onboard the ship we see that the tagging is just the first step to a bigger scheme. Then we see Father Jack pop up in their filing system.
The Vs framed Hobbes because his mad terrorism skillz could be a threat to them. When he eludes capture, Anna decides to start an Army of One with a hulking hunk of a V man in a hot tub scene that would make any Harlequin romance proud. And would make any praying mantis proud, too.
Get the inside scoop on V's behind-the-scenes turmoil from star Joel Gretsch (who happens to be William Shatner's son-in-law).
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is glad that we now sort of have universal health care and, thus, will be less vulnerable to a V takeover. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Oh my god, SO much happened since the last episode but you would not remember because the last episode aired approximately six years ago in television time. Burn Notice and Kell on Earth had ENTIRE SEASONS during this show's "brief" hiatus. I've never been clear whether the hiatus was some sort of build-the-hype break a la Glee (who took a two month break after airing the pilot episode) or whether they just didn't quite get around to finishing all the other episodes and had to scamper and film some additional episodes. Anyhoo, so the aliens arrived. I think we all remember that much. But they didn't JUST arrive, because actually they were here before and left some of their more annoying society members just lying around causing problems and getting elected to office. Sometimes both at the same time. There are also these other aliens who are part of a rebel alliance, The Fifth Column, named after the 1970s soul group. Agent Erica, Father Jack, Georgie, and Ryan the Rebel V have banded together to fight the Visitor invasion, because the world does not know that the Vs are really reptiles intent on destroying the human race or something. No one seems to know exactly what the Vs are up to, but because their first move was to set up universal free health care clinics, then it is obvious their end goal is Communism and the end of the American Way. The rebel alliance's first big team outing culminated in blowing up a warehouse full of a flu vaccine the Vs were using to spread their R6 serum, even though no one really knew what R6 was. But, who cares! Blow shit up! Whee! The security guard from the warehouse wasn't too pleased by their fireworks display, though. He followed Father Jack to his church and stuck him with an icicle looking knife thingy, which just served to remind me of that time that Cristina Yang got icicled on Grey's Anatomy, which was one of the best things ever on television because it exposed icicles as TRUE EVIL. On another note, who knew "icicled" was a word? Huh. Anyway. You can read the recaps of the previous episodes here if something confuses you. Although since I wrote them I'm not sure they will actually clear anything up for you, but you know, read them anyway or the Vs will eat all the kitties.
Father Jack is being rushed to the Emergency Room, but unfortunately for him, his Senior Padre has decided to take him to the V Healing Center instead of a nice human hospital.