RECAPPER: Let's see, Jeremy, Matt, and Damon have been at Mossy Manse long enough for Damon to grab a tray, a bottle, and a bunch of shot glasses, and for each of the guys to say a couple of lines, so today Whitmore is three minutes further than the Mystic Grill.
DAMON: I'm going to recap the rules of the game for Caroline, Bonnie and the other one, because you didn't let me get them out before the girls got here.
ELENA: The other one?
RECAPPER: I thought it would at least take them a whole scene to arrive from a college A FEW HOURS AWAY.
DAMON: Are you ever going to drop that?
RECAPPER: Give me something to sing about.
DAMON: Fine, Buffy, dance 'til you burn. Rule number 1: Think of the worst thing Katherine Pierce has ever done to you. Rule number 2: Toast to the glory of her impending death. Rule number 3: If you come across something that's worse, which you will, repeat rules one and two. Now I'm going to repeat the worst things she's done to me.
RECAPPER: I've got this. She ditched you and let you pine for 145 years. You drink. She pretended to be Elena and kissed you. You drink again, even though that is not worse than the first thing, so you've contradicted the rules to the game you made up, in your first play of the game you made up.
DAMON: It's in the script.
RECAPPER: I'd rather cover you and the rest of the cast doing improvisational theatre. Hell, at this point, I'd prefer mime.
OZ: Nobody deserves mime.
AUDIENCE: Could there be nudity?
RECAPPER: Stop that. I'm tired of smut, and the general exploitation of this cast, to be honest.
READERS: Wow, Cindy. You came back wrong.
SPIKE: You belong in the dark, with me.
RECAPPER: Wrong show, buddy.
SPIKE: I'll take anything. Besides, you didn't kick out Oz.
RECAPPER: He knows when to be quiet. Shoo. I am pretty sure in this universe, I can smudge your shoes with vervain and make you disappear.
AUDIENCE: The vervain rules are -- there are no rules.
READERS: Much like this recap, apparently.
BUFFY: It's different. He has a soul, now.