RECAPPER: And yet, the show would never have the balls to do that, because perfect Stefan (who rips people apart, puts them back together and throws out teen girls' cell phones) could never do anything slightly naughty. Hell, he's not even playing the drinking game.
STEFAN: She's dying. I, for one, have compassion.
RECAPPER: You must have caught it from Elena, back when you were drinking her blood.
MATT: Can I get kidnapped now?
NADIA: Your wish is my command. I whack his cute Pudding Pop face, and knock him to the floor. The bottle in his hand shatters, yet no one in this house full of vampiric bionic hearing even flinches.
AUDIENCE: It's like the vervain rules.
RECAPPER: It's worse. The vervain rules are crazy, but they're consistent. If it splashes on your skin, it burns you. It also burns your mouth. But if it's injected into you, it calms you. If you breathe it in a vaporized form, you're weakened. The strength of vampire hearing depends on how much the writers want a vampire to overhear something. It's like the Whitmore College distance rules.
AUDIENCE: Can we start drinking, too?
RECAPPER: Not if you're a minor, or a recapper with an 8:00AM deadline.
STEFAN: Just after Damon tells the gang it might have been Katherine who burned Atlanta, I come in and tell them they're being insensitive.
WILLIAM TECUMSEH SHERMAN: And I, frankly, feel cheated.
DAMON: I remind my brother what a psycho Katherine is.
STEFAN: I grab a shot glass, and tell everyone how in 1864 Katherine compelled me to love her, seduced Damon, and got us killed. But centuries before that, she was an innocent girl who was cast out by her family, so for 500 years, she did what she did, to survive. It's to that survivor I drink, today.
RECAPPER: Who wants to survive 500 years?
DAMON: Watch this. Please, one night of sex with her and you're brainwashed.
ELENA and BONNIE: What?
CAROLINE: Um, I forgot to mention that.
DAMON: Hey, Demon Spawn. Caroline, did you tell Elena about that?
ELENA: My mind just exploded.
NADIA: I need help saving my mother. Oh, and I have Matt trapped in that old safe/Stefan's summer home. It and he are buried somewhere on the grounds. Also, I took his protect-o ring.
RECAPPER: That gets the gang's attention, so Nadia drives Elena and Stefan somewhere secluded.