Y'all need to understand (some of) the roots of my deep appreciation of The Vampire Diaries' speedy revelations and overall pacing. How best to put it in TWoP terms? How about: I also recap Lost and How I Met Your Mother. In other words, I've had it up to ^HERE^ with reticence, so -- welcome back you great big, wonderful show, on which things actually happen and on which characters share vital information. I was miffed that you (okay, the CW) kept your devoted fang hags sitting on their couches in a group catatonic state since February 11, but after 42 minutes of your magic, I'm so over it. For the hags' sake, I'm going to get right to the story now. We can make
out up in private, later. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Smoochie. Smoochie. Smoochie.
This episode centers around Elena's search for Isobel -- her birth mother. And in true (and dear Lord, please let it be trend-setting) Vampire Diaries style, not only does Jenna figure out Alaric's wife must be Elena's mother, she does ever so helpful research to prove it, and shares it. WITH ELENA!!! Alaric, Stefan, and finally Damon -- find out that Alaric's wife, Isobel, is Elena's biological mother. And Elena, as I implied before, finds that out, too. She also finds out that Damon killed Isobel. Except he didn't -- he turned her, but I expect Elena to realize that out any episode, now, so that's okay. Besides, Isobel was totally begging for it. NO REALLY. I'll hit that in the recap, in deepest detail, my dearest, darling snarklings. But whatever, because...
Then...THEN -- Damon, who hasn't killed anyone in gosh -- weeks -- kills Alaric. But he only kills Alaric in semi self-defense. That is, Alaric shows up at Mossy Manse and tries to stake Damon. Damon proceeds to beat the stuffing out of him, but Alaric will not back down, so eventually, Damon stakes Alaric, instead. Apparently, a wooden stake will kill a human... if/when it's inserted in a lung. Except...
Then... THEN -- I'm just about to break up with the show, when Alaric springs back to life, as Stefan looks on (Damon has wandered off, by then). But is Alaric a vampire? Nooooo. He springs back to life thanks to the gaudy bling frakking Isobel gave him, long ago and far away.
And all of this loveliness is wrapped up in an episode in which the Founders' Council is holding a Bachelor Auction Fund-Raiser, in which both Alaric and Damon are on the block. (You should have told us, Show, because we totes would have pooled our pennies.) And if that weren't enough, Matt's (and the late great Vicki's) mother finally hauls her tramp-ass back to town, and she's The O.C.â€˜s JULIE freaking COOPER (and, more importantly to me, Faith Taylor from DOOL). She's exactly what you'd expect Vicki's mom to be, and exactly what you feared Matt's mom was, but hoped she wouldn't be. And? She's still hot. Add in Elena's bio-mom's stalker-y minion, his grisly end, Isobel's distant interest in Elena, as well as Anna, Grace, Harper and a whole new vampire coven, and you've got yourself a rich, delicious recipe for nom nom nom.
This show. This show! This was my also-ran in choices to recap. And now, I can't fricking believe I lucked into this gig! From the fearless, revelation-heavy story-telling, to the beautiful and yet accomplished cast, to the eye-catching directorial choices (and the blue light, which is like crack)? I'm in recapper heaven.
I'm juggling Lost and The Vampire Diaries this week, after a month and a half of living the simple life, with only one show to cover -- so I'm going to get right on this weecap, now. I'll be back before you know it with all the pretty. In the meantime, come on over to the forums, where Barnes will kill you dead if you hurt my Pudding Pop -- even if you're his mom.
It's back. It's back. The Vampire Diaries is finally back! Did the hiatus drain you dry, too? As I mentioned in the recaplet, I need you to understand how thrilled I am to be watching The Vampire Diaries, again. You see, I also recap Lost and How I Met Your Mother, but loving them as I do (and I do) leaves me with a yawning hole that can only be filled by a show on which things actually happen -- a show on which characters actually talk to each other, and in which mysteries are actually resolved. Going into "A Few Good Men," I was miffed that we've spent the last six weeks waiting for the show to return, but after 42 minutes of Williamson and Plec's magic, I'm utterly over it, so I'm going to get right to the story now. We can make
out up in private later, Show. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Smoochie. Smoochie. Smoochie.
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: In the beginning there was fog. And shirtless vampire Stefan Salvatore. And it was good. And then veiny Stefan kissed Elena, who is a dead ringer for Katherine (long lost vampire lover of both Stefan and his vampire brother Damon, circa 1864) who was bad. When Elena realizes her resemblance to Katherine, she and Stefan never suspect that it's due to both characters being played by the same actress. Since Stefan has been
stalking researching Elena since he first saved her life (in the accident that killed her folks), he tells her he has discovered she's adopted. The World's Most Crap Guardian, Aunt Jenna Sommers, confirms this, and explains that Elena's biological mother, Isobel, was a 16 year old runaway who showed up at Dr. Grayson Gilbert's office, gave birth, and eventually took off, leaving the baby with Grayson and his wife Miranda Sommers Gilbert, who had been having trouble conceiving.
The good doctor doctored up a birth certificate to lay claim to wee Elena, and never looked back. Meanwhile, history teacher Alaric Saltzman's wife spent her life researching local paranormal activity. When Stefan wants to know where Alaric's wife is now, Alaric says, "Damon killed her." Oh, and her name was Isobel. Now, back in 1864, 27 vampires were reportedly sealed in a tomb underneath the old church, so in 2010, Damon gets the witches Bennett to open the seal, because Katherine's one of them. Anna makes sure to get her mother, Pearl, out of there, too. Damon throws a hissy fit when he discovers Katherine never got sealed in at all. And when he throws the hissy fit, he also launches the bag of blood he brought to revive his twu wuv. The blood bag breaks and lands within reach of one of the desiccated, zombified vampires. With Pearl free, Anna informs Damon that the last place she saw Katherine was in Chicago, years ago. Katherine knew where Damon was. She just didn't care. Back in the tomb, a desiccated, zombified vampire stirs, raises the busted bag of blood to his bloodsucking lips and drinks deep. He then wanders out of the tomb that the Witches Bennett failed to re-seal, right about the time Grams Bennett is dying at home, from spell exhaustion, or something.