Vampire Diaries
A View to a Kill

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 3 USERS: A-
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The Baby-Sitters Club

High School. Bonnie is there, forever alone. Okay, she's with nameless students, but none of her friends. They're decorating for the Event O' the Week: a 1980s Decade Dance. I'm surprised any these kids even remember where the school is at this point. Perhaps Bonnie did a locator spell. Over the phone, Elena explains that she's babysitting Jeremy because Kol wants him dead and Klaus wants to take him out to slay his way across country or some damn fool thing. When Elena snarks at Jeremy and Matt about tidying up and putting away the weapons "beforesomeone tries to use one on me," she sounds like...Elena Gilbert. I miss that character.

Elena tells Bonnie her cockamamie plan. She wants Jeremy to kill Kol. His vampiric bloodline must be long enough such that killing him should instantly complete Jeremy's hunter's mark. Lots of people are outraged that Elena is advocating "genocide." In her defense, the pedants have offered that it isn't genocide since we're talking about vampires rather than humans. I don't care for either of these stances. For me, it's far more simple: Kol and his mystical descendants are vampires. Sure, there could be a special snowflake or two like Elena and Lexi, but there doesn't have to be. I am not wasting my '80s music buzz getting angry about someone slaying however many vampires. I just can't. Blame Buffy. Besides, moral relativism is this show's stock-in-trade. The Fellowship of the Falls matters to the Fellowship of the Falls -- nothing else and no one else rates. They've told us this 22 weeks a season for three years, and 12 weeks so far, this season. Frankly, I'm just relieved Elena is showing a little agency, even if it's a self-centered, cockamamie agency that by episode's end is going to require industrial strength suspension of disbelief. And yes, I am going to overuse the word cockamamie, if such a thing is even possible, which it is not! What a cockamamie idea.

Bonnie's willing to be the prized tool in the chest again and idly wonders if Caroline will notice she's only blown up 89 red balloons, rather than 99. "99 Luftballons" is blaring in the background, to make the connection for those of you who weren't even born in the 1980s. How are you people even old enough to read, anyhow? Shh. Don't pester me with math or reason. Nena is playing. If it's some cover band, don't tell me. I'm happier this way. Anyhow, while cleaning up after Matt and Jeremy, Elena washes her hands in the sink, and the water burns her. When she tells Bonnie that there must be something in the water, we cut to the...

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Vampire Diaries

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