Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B- | 1 USERS: A+
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And They Called It Puppy Blood Love

Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Elena looks on Stefan, who is lying flat on his belly. We cut to...

1864; Mossy Manse Predecessor: Stefan arrives home and eavesdrops as Papa Salvatore instructs Johnathan the Elder to whitewash his late son's involvement in the Vampire Incident, when he chronicles the night's events aka "The Battle of Willow Creek." Gilbert agrees, but since Modern-day John Gilbert (Uncle Snark) was sure to stress that old Johnathan Gilbert kept many journals, and some are still locked away, I suspect there's a Gilbert-penned, tawdry, True Crime version of events, mouldering somewhere in Founders Hall or the like.

Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Elena, of course, goes downstairs to visit Stefan who warns her he hasn't had Vervain in some time, and that he could be at the bars in a flash and kill her. When Elena says he won't, Stefan tells her go away, little girl. "I don't want you hear." Mythology Moment: While vampires need invitations to enter, teenagers prefer to go only where they're not wanted. Elena opens the cell door and tries to strong-arm Stefan into drinking his bottled critter blood. When she won't leave or listen to reason, Stefan vamps out and gets right in her face. "I SAID GET OUT!" Elena gets right back in his face. "NO!" Okay, she's stupid, but she's awesome, just the same. That does the trick. He takes off his game face and walks back to his cot. Commercial.

Grove Hill: Damon lies like a rug to Henry that he's old pals with Uncle Snark. Seems Snark has helped Henry adapt to this brave new world. "Cars, computers, Match.com. There's so much to learn." Good old Uncle Snark has taught Henry how to warm up cold blood bank blood in the microwave, and even how to sort his whites. What a giver. Of course Snark expects something in return. Henry reports to him on The Others. The Others? Now I know the writers are just messing with me (or, okay, they're probably messing with Boone Ian). In this instance, The Others are the other tomb refugees like Henry. They're out there and they're pissed. Henry though -- he's more mellow. He likes doing regular stuff like talking on his brand new cell phone. Hey, there's a call now. It's Uncle Snark. Before Henry can answer it, Damon grabs it, saying he wants to say hello. But he doesn't actually answer the phone, he just keeps holding it. Finally Henry asks if he isn't going to answer. From behind Henry's back, Alaric shakes his head no. Damon: You shaking me off, Meat? Sorry. Baseball season. Um... Henry looks from him to Damon. "What's going on?" When Damon doesn't answer, Henry vamps out and attacks Alaric. Sadly for him, Alaric has a trick up his sleeve, and by trick I mean stake. Henry falls to the floor, dead. That's all right, he didn't know Isobel, anyhow. Damon mocks his unlikely partner in crime: "Let's not kill anyone tonight," then pats Alaric on the shoulder and adds, "Your words. Just pointing that out." Oh goody! Alaric has chest hair. Just pointing that out.

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Vampire Diaries

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