Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 1 USERS: A+
And They Called It Puppy Blood Love

Grill: Snark returns to the table and apologizes for his absence. Pearl wasted 145+ years frittering away in a tomb. Even though she may have the time, she doesn't have the patience for smalltalk. She wants to know why she should let Snark have the device. He reminds her he was way more awesome on Alias, but she missed the entire run of the series, so she remains unimpressed. He then tells her that he's connected. He can help her settle down into a white picket fence life. Pearl points out that the device doesn't work. Snark claims to want it for sentimental reasons.

When Pearl says that Johnathan was ahead of his time, Snark tells her that he read Johnathan's journals, and she featured heavily in them. "You were his one regret. He loved you, and he hated himself for what he did to you." Pearl: "You're lying." Snark: "No. On his last days, he wrote how sorry he was. You were the only woman he ever loved." Pearl lowers her eyes in contemplation. Snark lets her stew for a moment, and then laughs in her face. Gouge his eyes out, Pearl. Gouge. Gouge. Gouge. They never listen. Finally, Snark snarks: "Good God. You vampires. You're so emotional. Johnathan Gilbert hated you. His only regret was he didn't drive a stake through your heart, himself." Isn't it counter-productive for him to be taunting her like that when she hasn't agreed to give him the device? In a word: no. Pearl rises and clips: "I gave it to Damon." Snark: "What?" Pearl: "I gave your device to Damon. Why don't you ask him for it, yourself? I'm sure he'd be delighted to give it to you. And then, Mr. Gilbert, may you rot in Hell." Okay, that scene didn't work for me. Snark really thought Pearl had the device, so he was stupid to taunt her. And yet she even more stupidly tells him who actually has the damned Gilbert Gizmo. Let's cut to...

Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: When Elena asks Stefan to talk to her, he does. He explains that he's making the decision he should have made years ago. A vampire tadpole has to feed to complete the transition. Feeding was a choice Stefan never should have made. Wah wah wah.

1864; Mossy Manse Predecessor; Papa Salvatore's Study: Once Johnathan Gilbert is gone, Stefan goes to see Papa who proudly exclaims that it was he who shot his beautiful boys. When Stefan tries to reason with his father, explaining that he doesn't plan to turn. Papa won't listen. He breaks a walking stick into a makeshift stake and goes at Stefan. Stefan throws him off in self-defense, and Papa is hoisted by his own petard, so to speak. Stefan immediately goes to his father, all apologies and removes the stake from his gut -- intending to help. But once he's holding the bloody weapon in his hands, our little vamp tadpole can't help but finger paint with dad's blood, much like he did with Kelly Donovan's. And much like with Kelly Donovan's, our little vamp tadpole can't help but take a little lick. When he does, the change is instantaneous. He vamps out, grows fangs, and says, "Oh God, what's happening to me?" FROG. I mean VAMPIRE. Commercial.

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Vampire Diaries




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