"Break On Through," intrigues me, in that parts of it are so bad, while others are so good. I might have a bad attitude, though, because there was only one character I didn't want to choke, and he only showed up in the last minute. Let's review this episode in chunks, shall we?

There's some Wickery Bridge event -- a kick-off to the restoration or something. Damon spars (verbally) with the Beckster, then spies Sage, who reveals that suicidal Finn Mikaelson turned her and is her soulless soul mate. While chatting up Damon, Sage refers to Rebekah as an "elitist original bitch." Welcome to the Fellowship of the Falls, Sage! Damon tells her he knows Rebekah is up to something, but he can't figure out what it is. Sage reminds him of the first lesson she taught him -- exploiting feminine weakness. And while I'm all for moving past this Son of White Oak plot, this is where I want to choke Sage, just on principle.

Damon goes back to Rebekah, turns on the Evil Pixie Monster charm, and invites her back to Mossy Manse for some depravity with Sage. Sage has compelled a piano player to be dinner and entertainment. Insecure, lonely Rebekah shows up, even though she hates Damon and Sage. This is when I want to choke Rebekah. After Damon does some cheesy sexy dancing with Sage, he again turns his wiles on the thousand year-old cheerleader, who's feeding on the piano player. Damon joins her for a snack, and I'm pretty sure they drain their victim dry, but his death doesn't even reach the level of being a plot point. This is when I want to choke Damon. Anyhow, he gets Rebekah in bed and wears her out. Once she's sleeping, Sage enters the room -- and Rebekah's mind. She sucks out the Son of White Oak conversation between Becky and Klaus. When Damon joins Sage in his covet-worthy shower, she kisses him and imparts the memory of the conversation to Damon's mind.

Damon finds the mill records from 1912 (and expect me to harp on this in the weecap, unless I just can't even bear to discuss it) and learns Son of White Oak earned the Salvatores mucho dinero. Apparently, even in 1912 Virginia, government spending was a hot topic because the wood from Son of White Oak was used to build Wickery Bridge. That means the wooden underpinnings can kill an Original. Sage reminds Damon that her twu wuv Finn is an Original, but Damon strikes a bargain with Sage -- if she helps him kill Rebekkah, Finn will be spared.

After Damon gets dressed he looks for Sage, who of course is already gone. He races to Wickery Bridge. Becky and Sage have already burnt all the wood. Since Sage could enter ancient Original Beckster's mind while she was sleeping, the comparatively juvenile Damon's mind was no challenge -- even while awake. Once she realized the Originals are linked (if one dies, they all will) she betrayed the Fellowship. Super. Now the already all-but-invincible Originals have an unoriginal, but thoroughly ancient and powerful addition to their team. This is where I want to choke the script. It all turns out okay though, because Alaric had the original Wickery Bridge sign at his place, because he had it restored, and that too is made out of Son of White Oak wood.

Meanwhile, Bonnie and Caroline are still at Abby's place. Abby's transition isn't going too well. She misses being all witchily closer to the earth. Jamie is being an ungrateful ass (and yes, I want to choke him, but Caroline talks some sense into him). Abby bites Jamie after he tries to make amends. Bonnie gives her a magical migraine and then later some bagged blood. But when Bonnie is called back to Mystic Falls to help with the Alaric situation, Abby goes back to her abandoning ways and decides she's going to up and leave Jamie and worse, Bonnie -- again. This is where I want to choke Abby. Caroline tries to appeal to Abby's better angels but she fails, but in part it's because the script doesn't let her really be Caroline in all her awesomeness. I mean -- the Caroline who lives in my brain certainly would have pointed out to Abby that she managed to be a parent to someone else's kid when she wouldn't even try to be one to her own. So yeah, for a moment I want to choke our Vampire Barbie, too.

Back in Mystic Falls, Elena and Meredith are doing everything they can to help Ric. Tests show he's physically fine, so they're surer than ever that the ring and his multiple deaths are what's causing his psycho killer fugues. There's a spell that can undo the effects, which is why Bonnie returns to Mystic Falls. Before her return though, Elena leaves Mere alone with Ric to go get a personal item from his loft (for the spell). Now Mere has been tranquilizing Ric to keep him from going psychotic, but when he falls asleep, she wakes him and then makes coffee! This is when I want to choke Meredith. I don't have to, though, because Alaric freaks out and attacks her. She locks herself in the bathroom, but by the time Elena returns (with Stefan, who, yes -- I want to choke at some point) Mere has nearly bled out. Stefan subdues Alaric, heals Mere with his blood and then flees, because he's still learning control.

Off-screen, Bonnie performs the spell on Ric and takes off for Abby's, where she will find she's been abandoned again and you know, we probably won't see that play out either, so I again want to choke the script -- on Bonnie's behalf. Damon will babysit Alaric at the loft, until they are sure the spell has healed him.

All alone and done cleaning up yet another bloody mess in her house, Elena calls Jeremy, who is still in Colorado, and is the one character I don't want to choke. Big sister is checking to make sure little brother isn't having psycho killer fugues, too. How, exactly, would that work, unless he was in the middle of a fugue when she called? She doesn't say one thing to him about the ring. To give Elena her due, Stefan earlier informed her that Samantha Gilbert continued to kill even when she was living jewelry-free in the asylum, so I guess telling Jeremy to remove the ring wouldn't do much good. But still, I want to choke Elena because she should say something to him, and one of those things should be, "I need you to come home right away, because..." or "Bonnie and I are coming to see you, because you might be a psycho killer and we need to take your ring and give you herbs."

Ric's story is compelling and creepy. I wish it happened in its own episode, so I could give it the grade it deserves. It didn't, though, so here I am, wanting to choke the script one last time. This recaplet is so long, I could send it in as a weecap, but believe it or not, a lot more happens that I didn't even touch, so I'll be back with the full weecap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode up top and join us in the forum, where I promise I won't choke anyone.