Bonnie: Oh, so F.M.L. and my destiny? I get what you're saying, but I've got to go.

Meanwhile, back in the No Vampires Allowed cave chamber...

Bonnie and Abby: *Chant In Latin*

Magical Forces: *Flop*

Bonnie: You know, you suck so much, that it was more fun to pretend you were dead.

Abby: What can I do to prove how sorry I am?

Bonnie: How about some fricking magic, Witch.

Bonnie and Abby: *Resume Chanting*

Magical Forces: *Candles Flare*

Bonnie: Since that seems to have almost worked, I'm going to go to an outer chamber where there's better reception, and call Damon, rather than power through the spell again. If you need me, won't that just be poetic justice. SUCK IT, MOM!

Abby: You should have seen her during her terrible twos. I told her I left because of the magic, but really, I just couldn't take her for one more minute.

Sound Effect: Bang!

Abby: I am just going to reach toward this coffin now.

Magical Forces: *Candles Flare*

Coffin Lid: *Flies Open*

Abby: Eek!

And over at Club Handsome...

Damon: (Psssst, don't tell Klaus, but I just got a text from Bonnie. She's almost got it, but she needs a little more time.)

Audience: (Okay, Damon. Our lips are sealed. You know, unless you want them unsealed, and then you just say the word. Or kiss us. Whatever works. We're not fussy.)

Damon: Klaus, you know what, we'll give you back that coffin, if you and yours just take it, and get the hell out of Mystic Falls, so that Stefan, Elena and I can live happily ever after.

Recapper: Thomas Galvin already beat me to the "Devil's three-way," punch (even though it's totally in my notes, and I used to cover How I Met Your Mother, Thomas), so no comment. So anyhow, Klaus, what do you think about Damon's proposed truce?

Klaus: I think it sucks out loud. Look, Elena is my hybrid wet nurse. If I leave her here with these two twits, she's either going to get vamped or flat out killed, and then no more baby hybrids for me, which would suck, because they seem to love me a whole lot more than anyone ever has. It's time to face facts, boys: the worst thing that ever happened to Elena was meeting you Salvatores.