Klaus: Cindy, do you want to end up a sobbing mess like you did when you wrote the recaplet, or do you want to have some fun?
Recapper: Point taken. My apologies in advance to all y'all who do this every week. I am just too broken by the episode to dig back into it in a serious way. Take it, Elijah.
Elijah: Excellent. So, Klaus is surprised to see me, because he certainly wasn't the one to undagger me. Cindy, why don't you add undagger to spellcheck, love. It's going to be tossed around a lot.
Klaus: Being a civil chap, I offer my brother a drink.
Elijah: I counter with *PUNCH* but not the fruity delicious kind, the violent kind, because I'm a vampire like that. Actually, I give him the old, how did you put it -- the old one-two. Niklaus goes crashing through his French doors.
Klaus: And I'm all like, "Easy, I just finished RENOVATING."
Recapper: And that's an actual quote.
Elijah: We fight some more, but then Niklaus ups the stakes by pulling the dagger out of our brother Kol's chest, and threatening to redagger me. (Add redagger to spellcheck too, sweets.) So, I remind Niklaus that if he uses Kol's dagger on me, he'll have to deal with Kol.
Klaus: I don't know if I'm supposed act like I'm more afraid of Kol, or if I decide it's futile to trade one pissed off brother for another. Either way, Elijah remains dagger free, for the nonce.
Recapper: I feel better, already. I don't suppose you can do anything to resurrect Mason "Brick House" Lockwood?
Elijah: When Niklaus tries to butter me up by telling me he's killed our father...
Recapper: Around here, he's known as Mikael the Vampire Vampire Slayer, or MtVVS, for short.
Elijah: Right. So anyhow, the buttering up backfires, because if MtVVS is dead, why do the daggers remain in our siblings' chests? Finn's been daggered for 900 years. Kol's been like that for over a century.
Klaus: I blame Stefan. On the surface, I do so, because he's holding that last coffin, but really, he's an easy scapegoat, these days. I broke him ever so spectacularly.
Recapper: Yeah, although the Ripper thing only worked some of the time, I've found him riveting since you freed him from your compulsion. But please, continue with the story.