Elena: Please tell me you didn't text her naughty pictures. No. You know what? Don't answer that. Change of subject. The killer cannot be Meredith. I refuse to believe your luck with women is that tragic.

Recapper: Oh damn, it's totally Meredith.

Ghosts of Isobel and Jenna: Yeah it is.

Katherine: Yes. Right! And I helped! I mean, my doppelganger's prints are on the damned thing, and yet no one thinks of me. It's like I don't even matter anymore.

Recapper: Someone didn't read the recaplet. Coincidentally, that same someone isn't in this episode, never mind this scene. Hit the road, Kiki.

Ric: The point of this is to remind everyone that I have weapons everywhere. They're at Gilbert Gables, my loft, the school, Damon's car. Damon suggests Klaus could be the culprit.

Recapper: Some people in our forum wonder if you might be doing it, Ric?

Ric: I black out so often, I suppose it's possible.

Elena: Hey, think back to the night Brian was murdered. Stefan was cray-cray-crazy. It could be him. I hope it is, BECAUSE I HATE YOUR FRICKING GUTS, STEFAN. YOU THREW OUT MY PHONE!

Damon: Ah, makes me nostalgic for the time Stefan was a bunny-snacking pacifist.

Recapper: Great line, Damon.

Damon: I know. But I've got to hang up now. I've got a mandate.

Elijah: Well hello there, Blue Eyes. Thanks for the love letter.

Recapper: What's that?

Elijah: When he ever so kindly undaggered me, Damon left me a little note in my jacket pocket.

Damon: "Dear Elijah, let's get together and plot the destruction of your brother. XO XO.

Recapper: Ahaahahahahahahahaha. Hoohoohoo. Hee hee. Ahahahahahaha.

Damon: All right, I know I'm damned amusing, but that was overkill. Did Klaus break her, too?

Elijah: No, the writers did.

Damon: Oh, right. Them.

Recapper: I'm sorry for my outburst. It's just that after the previous episode, when Elijah revived so quickly, one of our members, KatTV, wondered if Damon tossed a couple of blood bags into your coffin to help him out. Another member, Goldmoon, responded with this...

Goldmoon's Post: "I am pretty sure that Damon put a sticky note on one of the blood bags that said, 'Love, Damon. X O X O X O.'"