Recapper: It just...it's a thing. Okay. I guess you had to be there.
Elena: Wow, that Goldmoon was pretty pissed at me, earlier in that post. I mean...ouch.
Recapper: Oh, Elena. Honey, you, in particular, should just never go to our forum. Ever. I apologize for mentioning it, but you're not in this scene. What are you doing here?
Elena: Sorry. My doppelganger sense was tingling. I'll leave, now.
Recapper: Good call. Gentlemen, where were we?
Elijah: We were just about to finish the scene. Damon asks what kind of Klaus-killing weapon could be in the fourth coffin. Now we pass it off to...
Bonnie: Me! Don't expect me to be chipper, though. Stefan is being a Prickosaurus Rex, and I swear, Mr. Broken Switch, if you so much as lay one single finger on my cell phone, I'll give you a mystical migraine so fierce, your head will explode, and all your poofy hair will be ruined. Just ruined.
Stefan: Get in the damned No Vampires Allowed cave chamber, and open up that coffin, Witch. And take Abby Abandoner with you.
Recapper: How did Damon, a vampire, get those coffins into the chamber from which he is magically banished?
Stefan: He compelled the Lockwood gardeners to do it. Duh.
Recapper: Fair enough.
Stefan: Oh, look! It's my Loose Lipped Lovah. What are you doing here?
Elena: I am here to accuse you of murdering Medical Examiner Brian. You threw out my CELL PHONE, STEFAN. I HATE YOUR RIPPER GUTS.
Stefan: Oh yeah, well why don't you ask Damon who he's killed, lately, that is if you can stop SUCKING HIS FACE long enough to get the words out!
Elena: BECAUSE WHILE DAMON COMPELLED CAROLINE TO BE HIS SEX SLAVE AND CHEW TOY, AND KILLED MY BROTHER ONE TIME, HE NEVER, EVER THREW OUT MY CELL PHONE, STEFAN!
Stefan: WHATEVER, YOU METAPHORICALLY ADULTEROUS WHORE!
Elena: LIKEWISE, YOU LITERAL CELL PHONE THROWER-OUTTER!
Caroline: Cindy, ignore them. Come over to the hospital and bathe in my awesomeness.
Recapper: I thought you'd never ask.
Caroline: So, um, Doctor Fell. Can I have my daddy back?