Klaus: Sit, enjoy my fabulous hospitality, and perhaps have a little bite of something, or someone.
Compelled, Identically Dressed, Chick Chew Toys Standing About the Room: We have nothing to fear. We have nothing to fear. We have nothing to fear.
Stefan: I didn't come here to eat Klaus.
Damon: Brother, I think you're missing a comma, up there.
Recapper: Thank goodness I'm not the only one who heard Stefan's line, that way.
Stefan: Don't look at me. I just read what's on the page.
Elijah: Wait 'til you get my entire family together. The entendres are at least quintuple.
Stefan: Look, I am hostile to everything going on here -- everything you know about and everything you don't.
Klaus: If you don't enjoy my mad hosting skills, I will reach down your throats and pull out your innards, until you smile like you mean it. Why does no one love me?
Stefan: So, where's Rebekah? Are you still scared of a little girl?
Klaus: No need to be cryptic. Elijah knows I killed our mother.
Damon: Hey Stef, remember when you killed dad? You might want to dial down the judgment until dessert.
Front Porch of Fortress Forbes
Caroline: I haven't heard from Tyler. What if he's the murderer? What if he's a sire-bound hound dog of murderer? Plus? My daddy is dying. He is dying when he could totally live, if he'd just have a little bag of blood. This is all very emotional for me, but I know it's emotional for Cindy too, so I'm just going to shut up now. I'm totally forcing some blood down daddy's throat.
Elena: He doesn't want to, Caroline. The only thing your dad has is his choice.
Audience: What about Jeremy, you hypocritical so-and-so?
Elena: Look, Bonnie has already taken me to task for that. I freely admit my hypocrisy. I struggle with my decision to let Damon compel Jeremy, every day. When are you people going to stop beating a dead horse?
Recapper: Um, Elena, have you met the Internet?
Caroline: Good point. Besides, this is about dying daddies. Elena, I think it totally sucks when daddies die. Did it totally suck for you, too?
Elena: It did, does, and always will.
Cindy: Been there. Done that. Bought the black outfit. For the record? Dying aunties aren't much better.
Elena: I feel ya.