Matt: Let's grab knives and see if we can make even more blood appear.
Elena: Excellent idea! Oh look, a handy dandy trail leads all the way up the stairs. Great. Ric is lying on the floor, with a knife in his gut. Now people are even trying to kill my fake family members.
Matt: I'll call 9-1-1.
Ric: I don't even know who tried to kill me, so Elena, I want you to finish the job.
Matt: What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Elena: How much time do you have? Look, hang up the phone. Ric's got this protect-o ring, right? It saves him from death, provided his would-be killer is a supernatural being. I am the doppelganger. I've totally got this. *Stabby Stabby Kill Kill*
Matt: I hope to God it's not too late to apply to an out-of-state school.
Recapper: I hope to God that ring still works.
And over at Klaus Haus...
Klaus: Stefan, care for some blonde blood?
Stefan: No thanks. I'm still in my brunette phase, remember.
Damon and Elijah return and restore the handsome quotient to its full 400 percent.
Klaus: Now that you two are back, I can completely repeat myself about you Salvatore boys being bad for my hybrid wet nurse. I see her hooking up with that Pudding Pop fellow, marrying, and making me lots of pretty contributors to the Petrova bloodline. That is my counter-offer: Elena's future happiness.
TWoPpers: We don't get it. Is Tatia the Original Petrova? Was she even a Petrova? Did they even have surnames, then? How did a Bulgarian get to the New World a thousand or however many years ago? Vikings, okay, sure. We doubt they were in Virginia, but this is a show about vampires, so fine. And by what luck did Tatia's supernatural heir, Katerina, bear the same surname, however many centuries later? Since Tatia and Katerina were both single mothers, will Elena be one, too? Did Tatia's baby stay in Bulgaria or wherever with its father, or was it born in the New World? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Recapper: Make them stop! It's my favorite episode.
Nearly Dead Bill Forbes: I know I'm not in this scene, but my mind is so powerful, I can transport my thoughts into it, all the same. Block them out, Cindy. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. Mind over matter.
Recapper: I think you just redeemed yourself with me, Bill. Go in peace.