Nearly Dead Bill Forbes: I'm trying. I'm trying.
Klaus: So anyhow, Stefan, do we have a deal?
Stefan: I am shaking your hand, but I am totally saying, "Psych!"
Klaus: I don't take too kindly to that, as you can imagine, so I beat Stefan up, break his bones like he's a transitioning werewolf, and stick his hand in the fire. Coffin Damon, now please.
Damon: Dude, fine.
Klaus: Elijah go with him, to keep him honest.
Elijah: Keeping him honest would necessitate him being honest and...oh right. I'm still pretending to be on your side. Very well.
Fortress Forbes, Caroline's Room...
Bill: You were afraid to be a cheerleader, and I talked you into it. You turned into a vampire, and I tortured it out of you, or tried to. Since it didn't stick, we're good, right?
Caroline: Sure, Daddy, whatever you say. How about a nice, refreshing glass of blood? No? Then how about if I call your boyfriend?
Bill: I am so over Stephen, it isn't even funny. Call him after I'm dead, so he'll feel extra bad.
Caroline: Daddy, it would be okay if you became a vampire. I mean, how can you hate who and what I am so much that you will let yourself die this young?
Bill: You're strong, beautiful, good and exactly who your mom and I hoped you'd be. Besides, it's against my religious beliefs or something. It's hard to put into words, but it work for Cindy, whenever she hears me say it, even though it sort of doesn't work, in black and white.
Caroline: Please don't leave me.
Recapper: Can I go?
Bill: Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children, Caroline. It's okay. This is life. This is what it means...to be human.
Recapper: Oh my word. Yes. Leaving now. *Sob*
Stefan: Why don't you just kill me now, so you'll have more time to open the coffin, once Damon brings it back.
Klaus: You're such a quitter. God. Wait. Elijah, what are you doing back here?
Elijah: I brought dessert. How about a couple of daggers?
Elijah: I've learned not to trust your vulgar promises, Klaus. We're doing this on my terms now. Meet my first term. You'll remember our brother, Kol? It's only been about a century. Our brother Finn might be more of a stretch -- a 900 year stretch of your memory.