Alaric: Hey, that's our brand!
Elena: We have an identifiable brand of wooden stakes?
Alaric: That's what it says in the script. In fact, just by looking at it, I can tell it's one of a set from your folks' lake house.
Elena: I worry about you, Ric.
Liz: Anyhow, there's only one set of prints on it, and Elena, they are yours. Dun dun dun.
Elena: I totally have an alibi for that night. I was busy being terrified by Stefan.
Liz leaves. Elena calls the Evil Pixie Monster...
Damon: Yay, I'm finally in a scene. I'm strolling through a field... La dee da.
Rose: Does this mean I'm going to die, again?
Damon: I hope not. That totally sucked. Especially for me.
Rose: Yes. Right. For you.
Damon: How come nobody's telling Rose to scram?
Recapper: Fine. Rose, would you please...
Damon: So Elena tells me Liz doesn't suspect her. She's just wondering how someone got a Gilbert weapon, to off a human member of the Council. I suggest Alaric question the good Doctor Fell.
Alaric: Yeah, except you call her my "dirty doctor" so I remind you you're on speaker phone. Dick.
Damon: When are we going to be BFFs again, Alaric? I miss you. Also, hey! How come I keep calling you Alaric in this recap, when on the show, I almost always call you Ric
Recapper: My house. My rules.
Damon: Fine, tell your own damned story, then.
Recapper: *Sniff* Okay.
Damon: Oh please don't cry. That's Elena's job. Just let me call him "Ric," all right?
Elena: Me too, please?
Alaric: Yeah, and when my name shows up before my lines, can that read "Ric," too?
Recapper: *Scowls* Very well, but Lucia is going to be so disappointed in me.
Ric: I didn't show Meredith my weapon, or my weapons until last night.
Elena: Please tell me you didn't text her naughty pictures. No. You know what? Don't answer that. Change of subject. The killer cannot be Meredith. I refuse to believe your luck with women is that tragic.
Recapper: Oh damn, it's totally Meredith.