Recapper: Oh, Elena. Honey, you, in particular, should just never go to our forum. Ever. I apologize for mentioning it, but you're not in this scene. What are you doing here?
Elena: Sorry. My doppelganger sense was tingling. I'll leave, now.
Recapper: Good call. Gentlemen, where were we?
Elijah: We were just about to finish the scene. Damon asks what kind of Klaus-killing weapon could be in the fourth coffin. Now we pass it off to...
Bonnie: Me! Don't expect me to be chipper, though. Stefan is being a Prickosaurus Rex, and I swear, Mr. Broken Switch, if you so much as lay one single finger on my cell phone, I'll give you a mystical migraine so fierce, your head will explode, and all your poofy hair will be ruined. Just ruined.
Stefan: Get in the damned No Vampires Allowed cave chamber, and open up that coffin, Witch. And take Abby Abandoner with you.
Recapper: How did Damon, a vampire, get those coffins into the chamber from which he is magically banished?
Stefan: He compelled the Lockwood gardeners to do it. Duh.
Recapper: Fair enough.
Stefan: Oh, look! It's my Loose Lipped Lovah. What are you doing here?
Elena: I am here to accuse you of murdering Medical Examiner Brian. You threw out my CELL PHONE, STEFAN. I HATE YOUR RIPPER GUTS.
Stefan: Oh yeah, well why don't you ask Damon who he's killed, lately, that is if you can stop SUCKING HIS FACE long enough to get the words out!
Elena: BECAUSE WHILE DAMON COMPELLED CAROLINE TO BE HIS SEX SLAVE AND CHEW TOY, AND KILLED MY BROTHER ONE TIME, HE NEVER, EVER THREW OUT MY CELL PHONE, STEFAN!
Stefan: WHATEVER, YOU METAPHORICALLY ADULTEROUS WHORE!
Elena: LIKEWISE, YOU LITERAL CELL PHONE THROWER-OUTTER!
Caroline: Cindy, ignore them. Come over to the hospital and bathe in my awesomeness.
Recapper: I thought you'd never ask.
Caroline: So, um, Doctor Fell. Can I have my daddy back?
Meredith: Well, I'm going to tell you I discharged that stubborn bastard, last night. You might not want to believe me, though, since, as you mention, he didn't call to let you know, so let me deflect attention from my wicked ways, by confessing I totes know you're a vampire.
Caroline: Are you out for blood?