Meredith: One way or another, yes! Toodles.
Elena: What's up, Care Bear?
Caroline: How did you get here so fast?
Elena: I'm running on pure fury. Lemme tell ya, if they can bottle this stuff up, goodbye fossil fuel addiction. Hello, greener America.
Ian Somerhalder: That girl rocks, in all her incarnations.
Caroline: So that doctor lady isn't nice at all, but I'm distracted, so I allow her to dupe me into believing she's nice. I need to call my daddy.
Elena: Oh sure, Stefan didn't throw out your cell phone!
Caroline: I have memorized daddy's ringtone, and he is the only person in a ten town radius who uses said ringtone, so when my vamponic hearing picks up the sound of a ringtone, even as I'm waiting for my dad to pick up his phone, I know it must be his phone I hear ringing, even though there must be a least a dozen or more phones ringing in this hospital at the same time. Get it? Got it? Good. And look, here he is, DYING TO DEATH, in a hospital supply closet.
Elena: Oh Caroline, he's gonna be all right. First of all, dude is loaded with vampire blood. Second of all, he too has an intact cell phone.
Bill Forbes: Eff my un-life.
Meanwhile, back in the cave...
Bonnie: As I give my mother the backstory on the cave drawings, I make sure to drive home the point that the Originals' mother loved them so very much, SHE couldn't bear to lose them.
Abby: Yeah. I um...got that. My grimoire -- let me show you it.
Bonnie: Whatever, bee-yatch. I don't want to talk to you, either. Let's do a spell.
Abby: This one has a pretty drawing. Let's try it.
Bonnie: I'll do anything to get out of this godforsaken cave. Let's cut to Mossy Manse.
Stefan: I am shirtless. You're welcome.
Damon: Here are two shirts. Pick one. I'm the nudist on this show. And? No. You're welcome.
Stefan: I think your plan to visit Klaus Haus and stall Klaus, while Bonnie and Abby try to open the coffin, is dumb and dumber. You were a moron to undagger Elijah, who has already betrayed us, before. Also? You have stupid hair.