Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B+ | 1 USERS: A
In Which Damon Showers And Bathes

Brady's RV: Brady continues torturing Caroline with vervain and whatever else as he tries to question her about how many vamps are in town. He blows wooden darts into her neck and I can't recap this in detail because it's too awful. Poor Vampire Barbie. Jules doesn't seem too pleased with Brady's enthusiasm. She just wants to help Tyler. Duty to their own kind defines "who we are." Brady disagrees. These are vampires. "They cross one of us, they cross all of us. That's who we are."

The Grill: Lucky Elena is subjected to a little daddy/daughter bonding time with Snark. He sneers at her for making a deal with Elijah and then tries to play the family card. The judges give his technique 2 points. Total. That's like out of five judges, man. He must have gone to the Stefan School of Smooth Moves.

Brady's RV: Stefan brings Tyler to Jules. If she'll let Caroline go, he'll release Tyler. Stefan says they don't have to be enemies. Jules says it's too late for that. Stefan warns her to get out of town and then Damon shows up to make things worse, threatening that it's not an even fight. "We'll take you." Just then Jules wolf-whistles and a whole Pucking Wolfgang (armed for vamp fighting) arrives in the clearing. The Salvatores free Tyler, and then just stand there. Damon's sure they can take the Wolfgang. Stefan, less so. Brady demands to know which brother killed Mason. Damon cops to it with his usual attitude, and Brady orders the Wolfgang to make sure Damon suffers. Damon lunges right at Jules, but it seems she's got some sort of ninja leaping power, even when the moon isn't full.

I am not your action recapper. Suffice to say there are flame throwers and stakes, but Damon rips out at least one Wolfgang member's heart. While Stefan's catching crossbow-launched stakes, Tyler enters the RV. Caroline begs him to release her and he hesitates, which makes me want to punch him, considering how much she's done for him. While Tyler finally gets a move on -- outside, Stefan is staked in the back. Caroline rushes outside just as Jules fires a wooden bullet into Damon. She then rushes Caroline and pushes her against the RV. Tyler stands idly by like Duncan Fricking Kane. On the ground, Brady rises to his knees, raises a stake in the air and prepares to plunge it into Damon's chest -- the very same chest the upon which the camera panned up, just this morning -- the very same chest upon which the water dripped down, just this morning. Clearly, Brady has no appreciation of beauty and must be put down like the blind, rabid dog he is. Just then, the whole Wolfgang falls to the ground in pain (all but Ty, by the way, which seems weird). My husband and I figure Uncle John has reworked the Gilbert Gizmo, but no! It's Senior Manwitch. He's there on Elijah's behalf. Elijah made a deal with Elena that her loved ones would be protected, and Elijah always keeps his deals. As our Fang Gang beats tracks, Senior Manwitch tells Tyler that he should tell the Pucking Wolfgang to get the hell out of town.

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Vampire Diaries




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