I'm awarding 10 points and bragging rights to the first five readers who tweet me at CindyMcLennan with the origin of the "Everybody's Fancy" lyric excerpt I play with (in a transformative and totally fair use way) in this episode's blurb (see italicized portion of blurb, on the show page or home page). To be clear: I don't want the "I fancy you," quote from this episode. Get it? Got it? Good. Now let's go on with our show.

Alaric is spending a night in the hospital, to rest up as he recovers from his most recent death. Tyler is off finding himself and training his inner puppy. And Esther (Mama Original aka Eloise Fricking Hawking) is this episode's spell-caster in chief, so there's no need for Bonnie and her mother. [Eff my life. I don't even get to dress up? --Bonnie]

Nearly straight away, Rebekah tries to kill Elena. Elijah saves our girl though, and is responsible for my first 'ship switch of the night, but it will not be the last, because nearly to a person, this cast could create chemistry with the proverbial big block of concrete. Put them in formalwear, and they are hotter than the white heat of a thousand suns.

Our lovelies are in said formalwear because Esther throws a ball (the dance kind, not the spherical kind), and includes a note in Elena's invitation, saying it's time they meet. And meet they do, but only after Elena escapes Damon's watchful (and appreciative) gaze, to do so. Because Stefan no longer cares about anything except killing Klaus (okay, and Elena, but it's Facebook-complicated), Elena enlists his help to distract Damon. Stefan, being whoever or whatever Stefan is now, distracts big brother by snapping his neck.

Alone, in a room that's been enchanted to block vamponic hearing, Esther makes her case to Elena. Yes, she wants to kill Klaus, eventually, but after a thousand years of spiritual navel gazing, she says she has decided to destroy her whole, literally damned family, because they're abominations. Suddenly, I'm shipping Mama Original with Dead Bill Forbes. Anyhow, all Esther needs is a drop of Elena's precious Petrova doppelganger blood to link the Mikaelson children together. (nb. Wouldn't Rebekah's surname be Mikaelsdottir?)

Once one Original dies, they will all die. Elena gives Esther the blood, and I'm thinking that's got to be a decision that will come back to bite Elena, yeah? Esther spikes her children's champagne with the blood. They drink it. Later, Esther writes her children's names on a piece of paper. Finn is in on the plan, so he gives Mummy some of his blood. She spills it on her list, and presto change-o, her babies are linked and doomed. (Or are they?)

Meanwhile, Klaus fancies Caroline, and even shows her his etchings (!!!) but while she wears the ball gown he gives her, she gives him a good dose of truth about buying, compelling and sire-hogging people's love. When she takes her leave, she does so without the bracelet he gave her. Caroline arrives home to find a sketch of herself with a horse, complete with a note from Klaus, thanking her for her candor.

Rebekah invites Matt to the ball, so we get Pudding Pop in a tux. THANK YOU, REBEKAH! Oh, but she only has him there to kill him and tick off Elena and Care Bear. NO THANK YOU, REBEKAH! Fortunately, Becky is won over by Matt's Pudding Poppery, and abandons her plan, soon after he gives her his coat to keep her warm, even though she doesn't even get cold. I mean Matt, she's not only a vampire, she's a Viking. In Virginia.

Brother Kol, who was in on Operation Evilest, is disappointed that Becky has abandoned her TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD plan, so he goes rogue. Fortunately, by that time Damon is all riled up. He knows Elena teamed up with Stefan to evade his protection. When Damon tells her he's angry at her because he loves her, Elena tells him she thinks his love is the problem. When Damon sees Kol crushing Matt's hand, he goes ballistic, throws Kol off the balcony, and gives him a damned good thrashing. Damon, you pick the sanest times to go crazy. Thank you for saving my Pudding Pop, and for sparing the entire world my wrath. You're my favorite Evil Pixie Monster, ever.

The episode ends with Damon acting out, yet again, by hitting the sheets with Rebekah, who is more than a willing lover, because Matt wisely spurns her. Thank heaven.

There's so much more, as always. I'll cover it all, in the full weecap, which will be up ASAP. In the meantime, tweet me your lyric guesses, answer our Question of the Moment, over on the right. Also, please grade the episode up top and join us in the forum, where no one is allowed to kill my Pudding Pop. You got that?