Caroline: Did you ever talk it out with him?
Caroline: Look, I like people and they actually like me, so I'll be inside.
Eloise Fricking Hawking: Back in my parlor, Elena and I recap the history of the Original vampires, that is, my spawn.
Elena: Look, are we going to kill Klaus or what?
Eloise Fricking Hawking: Give me a drop of your blood, or I'll take it. It's essence will be in the champagne toast, later this evening.
Elena: You people are totally gross, but um, okay, here. What could possibly go wrong?
Eloise Fricking Hawking: So, I stab her finger and juice out the blood, then tell Elena that Elijah is suspicious so he might need persuading. The spell works thusly: while Klaus can't be killed, this magic will link all my children together. If one goes, they all go.
Recapper's Husband: As a parent, may I say, "Ooh baby, been there."
Recapper's 13 Y.O. Daughter: I heard that, Daddy. Don't forget, what happened to Mikael can happen to you.
Recapper: Leave your father alone. (He still has to make that packy run.)
Meanwhile, at the ball, Kol is itching to kill Matt, so I'm itching to kill Kol. Back in the study, Damon comes to. When he flies at Stefan, who is totally being Mr. Smarmy-pants, Stefan admits Elena is with Esther, and adds, "Don't blame me, this was all her, right down to the broken neck." I did not see that on the screen, so I refuse to accept it until Elena confirms it. Anyhow, Stefan tells Damon he's a liability, because he cares too much. I flash back to season 1, when Stefan was desperate for Damon to care about anything. I refrain from slapping Stefan, because I can't afford a new TV. Damon's Evil Pixie Monster eyes dial the cray cray up to 11. We cut outside.
Rebekah: Let me lure you away from the crowd, so my prick brother Kol and I can kill you.
Matt: Sure thing, but let me get my letterman's jacket out of my truck, first. You look cold.
Rebekah. I don't get... I'm a vampire. I'm a Viking. I don't need. *Swoon* Quick, let's get you back inside, Pudding Pop.
Recapper: GOOD DAMNED THING, BECKY!!!
Elijah: Inside, I catch up with Elena and ask her what Eloise Hawking wanted with her, anyhow.
Elena: I lie that she just wanted to apologize for ordering a hit on me.
Elijah: You decide if I'm playing along, or letting myself be deluded by this pretty young thing.
Eloise Fricking Hawking: It's time for the big champagne toast. Drink up, darlings.