Vampire Diaries
Dead Man On Campus

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 89 USERS: B
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And The Black Guy Always Dies

After the break, Jesse tells Caroline how Dr. Wesley Maxfield treated him like a lab rat for two weeks. I know it's awkward that I've written out his whole name like that, but while I always refer to the doctor as Maxfield, the characters are starting to call him Wes, so I just want to keep everyone apprised. Anyhow, Jesse is worried about what to tell his parents. Caroline, being the most well-adjusted vampire on earth, assures him they can smooth everything over. Jesse can't get over his hunger. Fortunately, he doesn't have to. Elena arrives with a cooler full of blood bags. Jesse is understandably taken aback that she too is a vampire. When he frets, Elena tells him the first thing he needs to learn is that being a vampire is awesome. And she says it with such a bright smile, I wonder for a second if she's Katherine. I mean, this is the girl who cried and puked through not just her transition, but nearly an entire season. Whatever, I'm glad to see the grin. When Elena goes to heal Aaron, Caroline suggests they let Jesse do that. I'm thinking that's not the best idea, since he's full of Augustine vampire blood, but the girls don't really know about that yet and Jesse is a newbie… so what can you do? I will note Aaron drinks Jesse's blood more eagerly than any human-needing-healing that I can remember on this show. I don't know if this is simply a directorial choice, but I'm mentioning it, in case it (or Aaron) comes back to bite us later this season. Caroline suggests they now teach Jesse about compulsion and we cut to the...

Mystic Grill. Stefan is sitting alone when Katherine wanders over with two glasses and a bottle of pilfered booze. Stefan tries to beat a hasty retreat, but Katherine begs him to stay. She's had a bad year and needs a friendly face. He'll grant her one pity drink. Katherine says, "See? The universe at work." Oh God, I hope Damon isn't lurking or he'll get all pouty. Katherine continues: "I don't know if you knew this, but our doppelgänger stars are fated to be together, so like it or not you're going to end up with someone who looks like me, although the universe seems to have all of its eggs in the Elena basket, but at this point I don't really blame it." And I thought my proclivity for run-on sentences was shameful. Still, is it just me or did Katherine just ironically declare she and Stefan should be endgame in a way that might just be a spoiler in plain sight?

After Katherine pounds a shot, Stefan asks what's wrong with her. Katherine rattles off a list of old-age complaints without identifying them as such and then says that's enough about her. Wow. I didn't know she knew that was a thing. Maybe she can share with Elena. At any rate, Stefan was sitting alone so he could avoid talking and I hear ya, brother. Katherine says since she's wasted and won't remember she's all ears. Stefan blahs about how killing Silas didn't let him move on with his life. Then he bitches about the PTSD flashbacks to the summer of drowning. Katherine plays armchair (or bar stool) psychologist, tells Stefan his life now needs purpose and suggest that purpose can be found in doing her a favor. Then we have to listen to Katherine blah about all the post-traumatic stress she's had in her five centuries. Failing to reach Stefan she eventually swans off, but Stefan grabs her by the wrist and asks what she needs. Before Kiki can answer, Nadia arrives and approaches Katherine. "I thought you never wanted to see me again. Why'd you call me?" Katherine introduces her as, "...Nadia Petrova. My daughter." We jump to...

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Vampire Diaries

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