Vampire Diaries
Death And The Maiden

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 81 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Doppelgängbang

Oh Elena. Elena. Elena whom I just said I loved. Recapping this spiel of hers makes me want to stake her. So hard. I don't think she's terrible for loving both brothers. I think their situation is tragic. But since when did our Lady of Compassion morph into some creature whose Christening the Tact Fairy refused to attend? Right, so, she's telling Stefan, while you were dying a thousand deaths (literally), I was having the time of my life, shagging your brother. Really, it was so awesome. Here. You know what? I can't even make her sound worse when I parody her. Let's pass the mic back to our girl.

Elena says, "I got everything I wanted, Stefan. I got to be in love. I got the summer of my dreams. I got Bonnie back. So I need to know that this worked. I need to know that it's going to take away all of your suffering. I need to know that you're going to be okay." When my daughter was in about second grade, she had a shirt (or jeans -- we can't remember -- so I'm going with shirt) that read, "Blah blah blah your needs." I want that shirt back. I want it back so I can mail it to Elena, possibly with a bouquet of a dozen dead roses, because what the fuckity fuck? Do the writers want her to be unlikable? I mean, I get it. I get that she's feeling guilty for having a great summer, while she didn't realize either Stefan or Bonnie were missing/dead. But can't she think of a better way to convey her concern and guilt? Gah. No wonder the haters hate. I'm not there yet, because I'm doing that thing fans do where, when we really love a character, we start blaming his or her actions on the writers rather than the character. The thing is, I know that's false. I know that's rationalization. I know it's phony. I know I've got to stop. Give me a reason to stop, Show. Let me put it in words from a series you're so keen to mimic this season: "Give me something to sing about."

Broody Baby, er… I mean Stefan is right there with me. "I wanted it to be you. When that safe opened and somebody found me, I wanted it to be you." Elena looks uncomfortable as she swallows, then takes a short breath. Stefan looks over her shoulder and says, "I wanted it to be both of you." Elena turns to find Damon. She gives him a regretful look then turns back to Stefan. We cut to...

Whitmore College. Caroline is in the dorm room -- you know, a few hours away from where she was just an hour or so before when Katherine finds her. Caroline says now that Bonnie's back, Kiki's gotta hit the road, Jack. Caroline thanks Kiki for helping them with the anchor swap. Katherine doesn't want to hear it. "Enough. I killed you once. Don't forget. We still hate each other, okay?" Caroline smiles. "Yes you did and yes we do." Katherine clucks her tongue, and then realizes she can't find her bag. Nadia arrives at the door with it slung over her shoulder. "Already packed." Katherine says, "You again." Nadia says she's heading back to Prague. She'd like Katherine to go with her. "We can go to Bulgaria and retrace our lives." Katherine says Nadia's ideas are nothing more than fantasy. "I would rather rip my heart out than do more mother-daughter bonding with you. And I'm human now, so it wouldn't really be that easy." Caroline turns from the scene, but can't help but peek over her shoulder. Katherine closes with, "I don't want to know you." Caroline can't contain herself. Looking over her shoulder she says, "Mother-daughter? She's your... Oh. Wow." She turns away, again. Katherine tells Nadia she's doing her a favor. "I can't be there for you, so take a good look, because you are never going to see me again." She grabs the bag off her daughter's shoulder and leaves. Caroline turns to see Nadia, who keeps her eyes averted in an effort to fight back her tears.

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